Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Left a marriage to jump in to a new relationship.

movingfast · 03-10-2008, 09:56 AM

This is a long and very complicated story, but I'm going to give the short and sweet version.

Basically, I was married for three years and my wife and I got involved in the swinger life style. During this time, we met another couple and I openly started to fall in love with the other woman after time. The other couple had problems and they split up, and the wife (we'll call her Betty) moved in with my wife and I. Not long after that, I decided to leave my wife and to be with Betty and we continued to develop our monogamist relationship.

My decision was a long time coming due to other factors that were causing many problems in the marriage. It was not just for the sake of being with Betty. I would have left my wife without Betty, but having her there with me made it easier.

So Betty and I leave our spouses and move in together. At this point, we've been dating over a year and a half. But, we both were married and had other people to go back to, now it is turning in to something different, something much better, which is what we want.

I know with all of my heart that I love Betty. I've know this for a long time. Betty is also in love with me, possibly to a lesser extent. She is having some issues with getting used to being in a new serious relationship. Her ex husband worked third shifts and was gone every night. I work first shifts and this is causing a little bit of tension.

Basically, she is use to being able to have her own time and leave when ever she feels like it, go to visit a friend or spend time with her mom, what ever.

Her ex husband was also not an affectionate person at all, and couldn't express his feelings or give her any complements to make her feel good about her self. I tell her that I love her all the time and shower her with complements, but this, along with me being home every evening and wanting to spend time with her, is making her feel smothered.

This has been going on for three months now but the tension just started a couple of weeks back. She suggested last night that maybe we are rushing things and maybe shouldn't be living together so soon and thought that she could stay at her mothers house for a couple of months.

I'm trying to be open and understanding and do what ever it takes to be with Betty. I'm just not sure how to handle this. We talk allot, and we talked about a lot of things that have been bothering her and we decided to give it some more time before we do anything like that.

Basically I'm asking, what kind of advice can be offered to help me, a person who is used to having their spouse home all the time and being dependant upon me (which is not exactly what I'm wanting from Betty at all), to handling my emotions (both from the divorce and starting the new relationship) while giving her the space she needs to also deal with the same emotions and not making her feel smothered?

03-10-2008, 09:56 AM	#1 (permalink)
movingfast Registered User Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 3	Left a marriage to jump in to a new relationship. This is a long and very complicated story, but I'm going to give the short and sweet version. Basically, I was married for three years and my wife and I got involved in the swinger life style. During this time, we met another couple and I openly started to fall in love with the other woman after time. The other couple had problems and they split up, and the wife (we'll call her Betty) moved in with my wife and I. Not long after that, I decided to leave my wife and to be with Betty and we continued to develop our monogamist relationship. My decision was a long time coming due to other factors that were causing many problems in the marriage. It was not just for the sake of being with Betty. I would have left my wife without Betty, but having her there with me made it easier. So Betty and I leave our spouses and move in together. At this point, we've been dating over a year and a half. But, we both were married and had other people to go back to, now it is turning in to something different, something much better, which is what we want. I know with all of my heart that I love Betty. I've know this for a long time. Betty is also in love with me, possibly to a lesser extent. She is having some issues with getting used to being in a new serious relationship. Her ex husband worked third shifts and was gone every night. I work first shifts and this is causing a little bit of tension. Basically, she is use to being able to have her own time and leave when ever she feels like it, go to visit a friend or spend time with her mom, what ever. Her ex husband was also not an affectionate person at all, and couldn't express his feelings or give her any complements to make her feel good about her self. I tell her that I love her all the time and shower her with complements, but this, along with me being home every evening and wanting to spend time with her, is making her feel smothered. This has been going on for three months now but the tension just started a couple of weeks back. She suggested last night that maybe we are rushing things and maybe shouldn't be living together so soon and thought that she could stay at her mothers house for a couple of months. I'm trying to be open and understanding and do what ever it takes to be with Betty. I'm just not sure how to handle this. We talk allot, and we talked about a lot of things that have been bothering her and we decided to give it some more time before we do anything like that. Basically I'm asking, what kind of advice can be offered to help me, a person who is used to having their spouse home all the time and being dependant upon me (which is not exactly what I'm wanting from Betty at all), to handling my emotions (both from the divorce and starting the new relationship) while giving her the space she needs to also deal with the same emotions and not making her feel smothered?