Originally Posted by oldmittens
Telling OMW is the best thing you can do it's your best chance at ending the affair. I'm a little confused about a few things though. How long is the affair been going on since D-Day? (Discovery day) has she stated that she is unwilling to end it? also you mentioned that the affair stopped for a year why did she stop it Was it cause she wanted to try to fix your marriage or did the other man dump her? Does she know you know she's seen him again? Sorry for the barrage of questions just just trying to understand your situation. your wife sounds like a confused and selfish person and you need to stand up to her exposing to the OMW is a great first step but it's just the first of many. Good luck you don't deserve this nobody does.
Heres the worst of it. Due to having suspicions for a couple of months I installed software on her phone. I know it was wrong but at the time I felt I had no choice. I knew something was going on but not with who. By March 2009 we were at MC. Here I confessed I had been reading her texts. The councillor diagnosed me as controlling and suggested I go to therapy. My Doctor Diagnosed me as depressed and told me that therapy would do me no good. Told me not to listen to the councillor and try to find an alternative one.
So First D-day was March 2009. She said it would end. I stopped tracking and reading her texts. It did not stop. I found out in July. Again she promised to stop, But did not. His baby was born in November 2009. Then I am 90% certain it stopped for nearly a year. He broke it off. I got a new job and worked away during the week. My paranoia got the better of me and installed tracking software on her phone again and in September 2010 It stated again, possibly started before this but I don't know.
I came back and stated working down here. Told her what I knew. She said it was a one off, but it happened at least 2 times in late 2010. Then I tracked here again in May 2011 to a hotel, got there and phoned them both. She came out, we argued and I drove home, ready to go. She came back home almost immediately, lied and said they just meet to talk. I agreed to try again. Then caught them again in November. She confessed all, said they could not stop and that had seen him 5 -6 times in 2011. Seems the logistics are the only thing in the way for them.
As I said, at first I was in a very dark place, stopped being a big fish in a big pond at work and was unemployed. I felt she was right to resent me and could understand the need to seek some kind of solace elsewhere. I actually felt it was right to be punished in some way for letting her down, for tracking her etc. I now that was wrong, but at the time I felt the problem was all me.
So several D days. But no more for me now. I have had enough.