Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wife had an emotional affair and wants a divorce
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 01-15-2012, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Wife had an emotional affair and wants a divorce

Am a newcomer to this forum and am seeking advice, as I am in a mess and really don't know what to do now. Sorry about the long post.

My wife and I have been married for about 1.5 years and have a 10 month old baby boy. We were staying together for about 2 years prior to getting married and the reason we got married so soon was because she got pregnant. Although there were some major relationship issues at the time, mainly due to my family's objections to our marriage (a big deal for us, we are both Asian but from different countries), we both decided to commit to each other by getting married and working things out after.

The issues we had carried on into our marriage and I have to admit that I did not put in enough effort to resolve them. I also know hat she suffered through alot, especially with my family, who did not even attend our wedding and have only in the past 6 months begun to accept her as their daughter in law. Although we did fight on occasion, I assumed that this was a normal part of being a couple and never felt that things had gotten serious to the point of warranting an affair nor divorce.

In December, I noticed that she began chatting online this guy more and more often. I asked her about it, she told me it was just a friend from high school who was now living overseas and was coming back to the country and she was just asking him to help buy some items from overseas. She reassured me that they were just friends, that I didn't have anything to worry about because she was not in the least attracted to him.

When he arrived in the country, their communications became even more frequent and now included texting and calling as well even after she got the items from him. She was basically glued to her iphone most of the time she was awake and they texted each other until almost 2am sometimes. I confronted her that it was unacceptable for her to do this and again, all I got were reassurances that they were just friends and that he didn't have anyone else here to talk to, etc. At about the same time, she started going out for hours almost every day, seeming to have an endless number of errands to run. At this time, I was going nuts with suspicion and used the 'find my iphone' app to check where she was. I was surprised to see her at a cafe, and when I called up and asked her where she was, she lied and said she was somewhere else. My heart basically sank when she lied, not really expecting that she would ever have an affair, even after all the warning signs.

I confronted her that night and initially she lied about it, said she was there with a female friend and blamed me for spying on her. As if on cue, she got a text from the guy and I immediately grabbed the phone and saw it was a love text. Only then did she admit to having an emotional affair with him and proceeded to drop a bombshell on me and said that she had already stopped loving me for some months, that the guy wasn't the only guy she was seeing and that she wanted a divorce. I admitted that there were problems in our marriage but that I still loved her deeply and that we should think of our son and try to work on rebuilding our marriage together. She refused and in the end, all that I could get her to agree to was that she would stop the emotional affair with both guys she was seeing, but she insisted on continuing to be friends as he was too important to her as someone to confide in, and cried terribly because she had to end things with him.

After that we had a few more big fights because I subsequently discovered that she was meeting him in secret again and instead of apologizing, she said that I was too controlling and I was pushing her further away (and closer to him) by my keeping tabs on her and asked for a divorce again. Every time we argue, she seems to say things to intentionally inflict as much pain as she can.

She had a potentially serious infection and I felt that things got better after a few days of late night emergency room visits and me taking a few days off work to take care of her at home.

She agreed not to meet him anymore but today told me that she wanted to meet him again just to talk and say goodbye before he flew overseas again. I reluctantly agreed to it, but at the last minute, I asked her not to go and she immediately blew up again. She then repeated the same things about not loving me anymore and asking for a divorce again.

I feel really stupid, but even after all the lies, I still love her and want to work on getting her back and saving our marriage. I also really want our son to grow up having the love and care of both his parents. I am going crazy and really don't know whether to continue trying to win her back or if it really is too late to save our marriage. Please advise. Thank you.

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