Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - I'm unsure of myself.
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 01-17-2012, 01:09 AM Thread Starter
applelemon's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 90
I'm unsure of myself.

I divorced my husband of 2 years, together for 6 years one month ago. The reason was because of emotional abuse and some physical abuse some years back.
Since then it has been a emotional roller coaster. He was suicidal for about two weeks, then depressed and begging me to come back each time we had contact. For me, at first I was happy to be away, but since last week I've been equally depressed, and detachment has been kicking in lately. I've moved back with my parents, where my mother constantly makes snide comments about how I still see my ex (as a friend). I've made it clear that I have no intention of getting back with him, but I'm sure he has a glimpse of hope in his view (to be honest, I have a speck of hope as well); but I know it will never happen. I couldn't bring myself to be with the person who was emotionally and physically abusive toward me, so I know I will not be with him again.

The question is then, why would I want to still be friends with my ex? We were friends for a year and half before we started officially dating, and he is one of few close friends I have. Since the separation he has started seeking therapy for his anger (among others) issue, it is much easier, but I realize he could be doing this just to "show" me. With my recent waves of depression, it has been especially helpful to have my ex available to talk to. My girl friend said that I should try and separate myself from my ex as best I can, which I have done. I try not to contact him unless I need help that I can't get from my friend (e.g. she is working and can't talk).

Last week I quit my job and it has been especially hard. My parents are "in my business" constantly (not in a good way), and make a big fuss over my outings with friends and still-remaining contact I have with my ex. I try to go out to not be depressed and my parents ask so many questions it makes me stressed. I come back from a fun night out with the girls and my mother is waiting at home to ask me where I was (not in a I was worried way, but a interrogating way). I am 27, I don't do drugs, and I have a masters degree in education, is there really a need for all this at home? I'd love to get my own place but the place I live is very expensive and I would not be able to afford rent, even with my new job I'm starting on Thursday.

I'm just wondering if there is something I am doing wrong. I want to remain friends with my ex. In the future, I'd love to have him come out and meet (hopefully) my new partner, or whatever. After he has changed, I'd gladly meet his new gf. Is this a bad idea? Furthermore, why are my parents acting like a bunch of hound dogs? They invited me to come back with them and now I feel trapped and stressed living with them.

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