Deejo

It's a symptom. We had the same thing. I consistently helped where I could, and would spend Saturdays eliminating 'piles'. I wanted to achieve a baseline, and work on maintenance, rather than catastrophic recovery every few weeks. Didn't matter. It got to the point where I truly believe she just didn't 'see it', and certainly didn't care.

What was our bedroom is now full of cases of paperwork - I couldn't possibly tell you what the paperwork is - but I believe most of it is insignificant.
Several times when I've been at the house with the kids, I would still clean up. Invariably I would dispose of something that she insisted was important. So now, I don't touch the 'piles'.

I despised living in pig-sty. It simply became yet another example indicating to me that she didn't value our partnership. Right or wrong, that's the way I took it.

What I found bizarre is that she was a neat-freak in our pre-children life.