| | Re: Is it normal to have this love/hate relationship?
My friends and coworkers and my kids and I are like that. It's normal when you're sharing intimate space with someone. My friends and I are so tight, we camp together with our kids (our kids have disagreements too, and sometimes 'hate' each other), and even extended family and invite other friends (for briefer visits, like an evening or a day). We do get irritated with each other and sometimes it rains and everyone gets a little stressed but we always work through it. I have been known to take all of the laundry and go to the laundromat, that makes everyone feel great, including me. I love doing laundry and I like the white noise at the laundromat. My friend who works full time is more than happy to have laundry done for her while on vacation. I get up and make the coffee too, and my friend's friend wants his coffee warm, so I boil hot water and warm his cup up, and then I make a show of it, being so co-dependent LOL. At work, stuff gets hashed out pretty quickly because it's entertainment business, people come to escape, not to get workplace drama with their popcorn :-o But we have a lot of people crammed into a tight space with many staff changes at the higher level. People just talk and focus on what it is we do well together and the mission and work out stuff that is workable, or chalk it up to stuff out of our control.
If people weren't sharing, or trying to have their fill of the space or displaying their natural and usually loveable personalities and gifts/talents, (i.e. living their life but instead making too many accommodations for you whether you wanted them or not), you wouldn't have any conflicting feelings. And THAT would be abnormal.
If you mean emotionally healthy...then, yes, how you handle the irritations and feelings, as a couple (or in my case group/friends/family) is what defines normal. Abnormal could present as total avoidance/checking out/dissociation/addictions or on the other end of the scale, psychotic murder without much warning.
I think people often make the mistake of thinking that if they feel irritated by someone, then something is inherently wrong or un-Christian or unGodly about them, that we 'need' to be more generous. You can be more generous by your consideration, without being overly generous with your own emotions. There's a difference. It's likely your husband already knows this, not like he read a book, but some families are much better at living this and teaching it thus, than others.
It's easy to overcome, for instance one night my kids were really keen to go out, I was not. I explained to them I was feeling dumpy and after fixing my wild hair and getting dressed up a bit, they could help me out by trying to behave at the restaurant. Because I was more prone to irritation than normal. Of course, they forgot a bit but I was able to remind them, and together we got on a course of having a nice evening out. The food was not really all that great, so all of us admitting how we were feeling (antsy, hungry, dumpy, irritable, touchy, needy, bored...) helped. We all agreed after we were glad that we went out. Being honest about negative feelings doesn't mean there's someone to blame, it's just a factor of being human and sharing space with others, all of whom have different needs.