Raquel1971

I am new here. Thank you for this wonderful site.

I am a 36 y/o female. Been married for almost 10 years. No children. Met my husband when I was 13. We have been together ever since. He is the only man I have ever been with. Literally and sexually.

I have had many problems with my husband. I helped him through his drug addiction and stood by his side many years ago and he has been clean for 15 years. We have been through a lot together.

I do love my husband. I am not in love with him anymore. He and I don't see eye to eye anymore. He has said so many things to hurt me. I used to weigh 98 lbs when we met. I now weigh 115. I am 5'2. He has told me that I was not attractive to him anymore and to lose weight. Calls me fat. Calls me the B word. Sometimes calls me the C word too. He has throughout the years pinned me against the wall when we would fight and put pressure on my neck. I would cry. The last time he did this was last year. These things stuck with me. However, our relationship is I guess better in that way that it hasn't happened but I feel it could again if he gets mad. He never hit me. I never had self confidence. Tried to lose weight for him. He gets nasty if I am not cleaning the house almost every day. I work a full time job as he does too. There are days he is wonderful. But I finally got the self confidence to say screw you if he does this again. He don't want marriage counselling. I asked. Now, about this other man..

I have known this man (friend) for 20 years. He told me so many years ago that he loved me. I told him that I loved him too but couldn't do anything about it because of my boyfriend. (husband now) We stayed friends but lost touch after a while. We finally got in touch a couple of years ago through mutual friends and have been in touch ever since. He knows a little about whats going on in my marriage. I just found out that he still feels the same way about me as he did all those years ago. He told me in an email. He is a gentleman and wouldn't be with a married woman. But I can't stop thinking about this man. He is everything I want in a man. He is single and hasn't had luck with relationships. I believe that he hasn't hooked up with anyone because he has been in love with me all these years. Not sure but I can't help the way I feel.

I am thinking of leaving my husband. I need advice. We haven't had any abusive stuff going on for a while but I can't stop thinking about how my life may turn out if I stay with him. Please give advice. I appreciate your time.