Originally Posted by Homemaker_Numero_Uno
Woah there. If she was abused as a child and has family who don't talk to her, chances are that's because she doesn't want to talk to them. As someone who has used an attorney/judge to get letters sent to family not to contact me, and had to have police enforce those letters, and having had to change my name (and had the judge recommend also changing social security number), what gives you the right to go contacting her family and giving them and soliciting from them information about your wife behind her back? Then condemn her for telling your parents that you're suicidal, or were? You can't have two different sets of rules. You guys have a HUGE problem going on. And I can see why she doesn't trust you. She probably FEELS that you're going behind her back, and then using any information you get from her family, about her past, to somehow manipulate her. Even if you think she doesn't know, she can probably tell that you do have information about her past, information that she didn't want you to know, and that somehow you thought you'd just go and dig it up, meanwhile probably telling her she needs to be forward thinking, not go to your parents about even current stuff, encouraging your parents in this underhanded information gathering and BAITING her to keep discussing stuff with them. OK, I'll say it. All of this is really f'd up and it's not your wife. You don't go digging up family from an adult who was abused as a child. Who the h*ll do you think you are that you have that right? O.M.G. I bet every time you two have a disagreement you use information about her past against her, even though she probably invested a lot of time, money, energy, thought into moving on from that past, to have a marriage with someone. Imagine going through all that to end up with another sneaky relative, one who you find out isn't quite right in the head, who tried to commit suicide and even though it was in his past, 'confessed' it to someone he knew had an abusive childhood...ohhhhhhh, great, show her you're unstable, because you know how REASSURING it will be for her. On top of the fact that you're going behind her back talking to people about her that she doesn't choose to share with on her own. I won't say what I think about you, but it isn't pleasant.
Wow yes, I am a bad guy. 17 years in a sexless marriage. Working 12 hours a day 100 miles from home to provide for my family and getting nasty calls cursing me out for taking a yogurt for breakfast at a time she was not working. Arguments that would end with her telling me "I hope you choke" as I am trying to finish my meal. Not to mention all the financial trouble she has caused and the fact I am not allowed to have friends over. Only a select amount of friends I am even allowed to talk to. She has made my son cry by telling him how much she hates me.
I was unstable 25 years ago, yes. I am not unstable now. I am however extremely stressed. As I had mental health issues I am way more understanding then most other partners she could have found. I knew she came from a broken family. I have seen the stupid fighting with her side of the family at any event such as weddings. I contacted her brothers and sisters. I asked them what they remembered about there parents divorce. That's all. The stories I got back were filled with emotional, physical and sexual abuse and they all matched each others stories.
So yeah, I guess after so many years of sh@t I finally did a minimum amount of investigation. That makes me bad for trying to figure out what all this crap is in my marriage. Read some of my other threads before you make a judgement on me.