swedish

It sounds like she has forgiven you and you have regained her trust, but although an affair can be forgiven, it will never be forgotten. Initially, obsessive thoughts are non-stop and not knowing all of the details can make one only imagine what went on. Since this affair went on for some time, she is probably not only questioning the sexual details, but also the emotional attachment you had with your ex at the time. Either way it's very painful to think about and relive in your mind over and over and if there were a switch to turn off those thoughts, she would have years ago. She probably feels that if she knows everything, she can put these thoughts to rest. I don't know if that works or not but even if you are close now, the feeling of a safe, secure relationship is probably shadowed by your actions in the past, so there is always some sense of 'it happened once, it could happen again.' It can make one feel completely worn out and somewhat resentful that you now have a wonderful marriage and she is still struggling with the past when she was not the one that had the affair. Should you tell her the details? I don't know. I'd lean toward yes but presentation is everything. If you feel horrible about it and she hears it as you speak, it might resolve things for her once and for all. If she sees your face light up when you reminisce about the past, it will definitely make things worse. I think there are 2 reasons for wanting to hear the details. To feel that she is fully connected to you (that you don't share something with your ex that she is not privy to) and that she sees how remorseful you are about the whole thing. It wouldn't hurt to end the conversation by telling her how hurting her has made you feel and that your main goal in life is to prove your love to her every day for the rest of her life. She just wants closure and is not able to find it on her own. Good luck whatever you decide.