denenen

whoa ok...first of all This is my first time ever posting on here, I'm probably doing it wrong, but definately not playing games. I don't even know what gotcha games are? I didn't originally post this huge long winded life story of my turbulant marriage, because I could have had a very lengthy Original post. I did however, mention on the first page of the thread the details about me being married and other potential red flags asked by another poster.

@Tall Average Guy...we used protection from day one until a month and a half down the road. I was not on the pill (due to migraines) and had no protection and I knew it was my fertile week so I asked him to abstein until he made a trip to get some more condoms. The very next morning I woke up with him already inside of me....un-protected....I stopped him, but obviously too late as 2 weeks later I discovered I was pregnant. I Continued having un-protected sex with him after the discovery of my pregnancy. To answer your other question, I had a child before him from when I was young. I got pregnant by him before knowing anything about him.....I only starting discovering potential "red flags" 5 months down the road....already pregnant....and being diagnosed with an sti. It wasn't until almost a year after marriage that these other red flags as I've previously posted started appearing. So I don't continue to have children with him.
The good question is, why am I still with him. Because i love him, I love our family, and I'm terrified to leave. Or perhaps it's best to say i did love him, I had what seemed like an endless supply of hope in our love and our union....but that's being replaced with anger, resentment, and hostility. I'm very sad, very lonely, and most of all terrified. I have nobody to vent to or even ask an opinion....this seemed like a safe place, resting in annonymity. So Tall Average guy, if posting here seems to you a waste of time, by all means don't.

Hind sight is 20-20, and I was just curious if I missed the first red-flag being the sti...I was curious to see if others...if faced in that situation would go running for the hills....or disregard it and marry him as I did. I don't know I just wanted some input, not to be called a liar. I don't need judgement at this point trust me I hold myself in contempt already from the many mistakes staying in this marriage so long has already cost me.