Originally Posted by *Dean*
abk.......just checking for understanding.
Did she have sex with another man while you were married?
If so......that crosses the line for me. I'm out.
If it was just talk or flirting etc........you can win her desire, passion,
if you truly want to but you are going to have to change.
It has not crossed that line to date, although it has seemed dangerously close for the past week. She had made no secret of her desire.
She has stated that she will not pursue if I say stop however her past (and previous lies) makes me scared of her passions going underground. So I kinda feel trapped by a kind of "Damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation.
What confusing is Shaggys words earlier were harsh but also correct to a degree, she IS selfish, she admits this too. She did indeed push me into this role with lies (or maybe more half-truths) . The thing seems more mixed up than his view however.
Originally Posted by Thor
She sounds like a typical abuse/assault survivor. She can be quite sexually uninhibited or even promiscuous, but NOT within a marriage. She is confused about sex and maybe love.
She needs therapy for her assault. No question about it, and separate from any other issue which may exist. A sexual assault messes up a person's brain badly.
Letting her bring another man into your marriage isn't going to make her have better sex with you. Don't do it.
Thor: Agreed, I do believe she is confused about sex and love, and attack no doubt had it's role to play in this. (what I question is the degree)
I also believe her ego is a major factor, she has always been a bit of the egotist (maybe due to being the prettiest girl at school etc.)
I wondered that maybe her ego warped the attack into giving sex an image of just something you can take with no regard for others.
There are other factors that seem to compound this like the fact her mother sided with her attacker (he was friend of the family) and did not believe her. I can see this was damaging for her a lot as I know for a fact the attacker is an extraordinary bad man (I have had my own dealings with him).
I thought by giving her more freedom it may help her feel more open to give and think about her actions on others, however she just seems to be abusing it and using it as a destructive force at every opportunity?