Join Date: Feb 2012
| | I fell like my life just ended (long)
I am 27 years old, and have been with my husband for 5 years, and married for a little over 2 years now. We have an 18 month old little girl together. My husband came home last Saturday and said he has been unhappy with me from the beginning of our relationship, and that he hasn't been in love with me for a long time. He also said he had doubts about marrying me to begin with.
He really didn't show any signs of being unhappy until this past month. He never once told me he was unhappy, or wanted me to put more effort into anything. I admit that I wasn't the perfect little housewife, but who is? Yes, I could have done more cooking and cleaning, but I think that he could have as well. I gave up college and my job to stay home and raise our daughter. This was a decision we both had made.
I was offered a job this December, and talked to him about it. I knew he was stressed because he hates his job, and is having a hard time supporting us. I put our daughter in daycare, and went to work. I ended up becoming miserable at work with lazy people, not seeing me daughter, and taking home only about $150 per paycheck after taxes, daycare, and gas expenses. I saw him start to pull away, and thought maybe it was because he saw I was unhappy at work. I sat down and discussed everything with him. He told me to do whatever makes me happy, and that he will support me with any choice I make. I called my boss the next day and quit, then pulled put daughter out of daycare. This same day, he talked to my best friend about a trip to New Orleans we had planned in a few weeks. He told her I could go with them now since I quit my job, and wanted to know how much money I needed so he could pay my way. He wanted me to have some fun, because he said he knew I needed and wanted to go. All of this was just 3 days before he said he was unhappy, and wanted to leave.
He is in a new band full of single men...they have been playing a lot of shows lately. On Jan 14th, he wasn't home when I woke up, so I called around to see if he was ok...nobod knew where he was. He finally called me around 11am claiming he had too much to drink, and stayed with a band member...I now know that he didn't stay with this person. The very next weekend, he didn't come home until 8am...he said he was at denny's eating with the guys. Then this Saturday, he showed up at 2pm Saturday afternoon after playing friday night...then dropped this bomb on me.
I've tried talking to him about trying to work it out, seeing a marriage counselor, and trying to get where we use to be...he just won't listen. He isn't acting like the person I know and love. I'm really worried about him right now. He hasn't even mentioned anything about him being unhappy, or leaving me to he family or his friends that he has known his entire life.
I've talked to a few of our mutual friends, and they just can't believe what is happening either. He stopped wearing his wedding band the day after he told me all of this. The next 2 days, he only came home to shower before going to work. I asked him where he has been staying. He claims he is sleeping at the recording studio because he doesn't even want to be at the house. It almost seemed like he was going to try to work on things in the middle of the week. He was coming home again...not being super sweet, but he was there. He would climb in bed with me every night. He went right back to ingoring me again, and looking at me like I was nobody this Friday. He packed a huge bag, and told me he was leaving for the weekend to stay with his friend. For some reason, I just don't believe it. This friend doesn't even know what is going on.
I feel in my gut now that I have seen certain things that he is seeing someone else. He has been sneaky about making phone calls and texting. He takes his phone everywhere with him now. I was woken up this morning by the sound of his alarm on his cell phone. I thought that was odd since he had left. I found his cell phone hidden under a bunch of stuff in the nightstand with no sim card in it. I called him after that to see if it would ring, and it does...so he has another phone now. I just don't know why. He also took his phone off of our family plan, so I can't access anything but my phone records. I have also seen things online that he has been saying to another girl...this girl has been going to all of his shows since mid December.
I just don't know what changed so suddenly, and why he is just pushing everyone away that cares for him. He tried to say I made him move in with me, ask me to marry him, and made all of the decisions about the house. None of that is true. He would constantly tell everyone how much he loved me, and is so thankful to have me in his life. He was even still saying these things last month.
None of it makes sense to anyone right now. I really need help. I can't let my marriage die when I know it's right. He told me he needs time to think, and I need to give him some space. I don't know what he is talking about, because he hasn't really even been home. He just keeps saying he is sorry and everything will be ok. I am willing to try to makes changes, and save our marriage, but I can't if he won't let me in, won't talk to me, and won't even look at me. If he did slip up, and make a mistake with someone, I am willing to forgive him...but he has to tell me, and stop seeing her.
Any and all advise is welcome. I am at a loss right now.