Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

brokenbythis · 02-07-2012, 01:46 PM

My other posts have outlined our history. In a nutshell, we've been having problems for a long time, he left in August 2011 and then came back asking us to go to therapy.

In therapy, in early December, it comes out he has had romantic feelings towards a female "friend" he hangs out with regularly. He also goes to this "friend" whenever we have problems. She is married with a child. In a heated argument he stated he would have married her but she was not interested in him romantically. I had suspected for years they had something going on, but when I questioned him he said they were just friends.

He defends himself by saying he should never have told me about her, that it is another example why he can't talk to me!!

He refuses to end contact with her. Says I am trying to control who he is "friends" with. I gave him an ultimatum: end it or our marriage is over. He said fine, marriage over.

He tells me she has always been there for him, understands him, listens to him, etc, etc. I feel he has not fully committed himself to repairing our marriage because he is still connected to her.

Today was the 1 week since I gave him the choice. He said he will not end his "friendship" with her. I said fine, move out. He is refusing to move out. Also he likes to remind me I won't get much in support, he said he saw an attorney and he said the judge will make me get a job. We've been married 11 yrs and I've been a stay at home mom for 8.5 yrs, supporting his career and caring for our special needs child. We're in California.

I am so angry. He makes me feel like a freak for not thinking its ok for him to have this "friend". He still runs to her when we have an agrument. Even today he stated that maybe in the future, if they are both single he would try and hook up with her again. Nice huh.

Am I being unreasonable? I do not want to be a doormat, and I do not want to share my husband with another "friend". On the other hand I do not want to destroy my family, my son will be devastated.

02-07-2012, 01:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
brokenbythis Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 502	Husband refuses to end contact with EA My other posts have outlined our history. In a nutshell, we've been having problems for a long time, he left in August 2011 and then came back asking us to go to therapy. In therapy, in early December, it comes out he has had romantic feelings towards a female "friend" he hangs out with regularly. He also goes to this "friend" whenever we have problems. She is married with a child. In a heated argument he stated he would have married her but she was not interested in him romantically. I had suspected for years they had something going on, but when I questioned him he said they were just friends. He defends himself by saying he should never have told me about her, that it is another example why he can't talk to me!! He refuses to end contact with her. Says I am trying to control who he is "friends" with. I gave him an ultimatum: end it or our marriage is over. He said fine, marriage over. He tells me she has always been there for him, understands him, listens to him, etc, etc. I feel he has not fully committed himself to repairing our marriage because he is still connected to her. Today was the 1 week since I gave him the choice. He said he will not end his "friendship" with her. I said fine, move out. He is refusing to move out. Also he likes to remind me I won't get much in support, he said he saw an attorney and he said the judge will make me get a job. We've been married 11 yrs and I've been a stay at home mom for 8.5 yrs, supporting his career and caring for our special needs child. We're in California. I am so angry. He makes me feel like a freak for not thinking its ok for him to have this "friend". He still runs to her when we have an agrument. Even today he stated that maybe in the future, if they are both single he would try and hook up with her again. Nice huh. Am I being unreasonable? I do not want to be a doormat, and I do not want to share my husband with another "friend". On the other hand I do not want to destroy my family, my son will be devastated.