| | Re: Husband refuses to end contact with EA
Stop "feeling." Just stop. Start thinking instead. You say you don't have any money. Do you have a phone? Then start calling lawyers and get the names of the ones who will do free consultations.
Then make appointments to go meet with them, and explain your situation.
You will be able to find a lawyer who will take your case and represent you, in exchange for payment at the end of the process. They can take their payment out of your husband's hide, if it comes right down to it.
Your husband is lying to you about a couple of things. First, he is lying to you when he says that you won't get "much in support." you have a special needs child. The courts generally don't leave women with children destitute, and you will get a fair settlement.
Secondly, it seems like in California, 10 years married is the magic number for you to get spousal support (alimony).
In looking at the big picture, the thing you seem to be missing is that YOUR HUSBAND DOESN'T LOVE YOU. Refusing to set aside his EA partner? Getting a lawyer for legal advice and lying about his position? Keeping you under such tight money control that you DON'T have the money to hire a lawyer?
Stop wallowing in feeling bad and start changing your life.
I understand that you are overwhelmed by your feelings. And its good that you have found TAM to vent about things. But venting doesn't actually move you forward. You are in limbo with your husband, and the only person who can move you out of limbo is YOU.
So less with the feelings, and more with the actions. Go find a lawyer. Understand what your legal options are, and when you know that, make the decision that is right for you and your child.
If your husband is so controlling that you don't have money to hire a lawyer, then you will also need to budget for some therapy to help you understand why you made such a poor choice of mates 11 years ago.
Or just stay broken by this. Your call.