Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - For those at the start of the nightmare
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 02-08-2012, 11:35 AM Thread Starter
The Count
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 58
For those at the start of the nightmare

I haven't been on here in a while. So thought I'd give an update, and a little encouragement to those who are finding themselves where I was six months ago.

Well, it got worse before it got better. My ex was being phenonmenally callous and low. Even I was shocked at the depths she seemed prepared to sink to. No point going on about it all now. Suffice to say I hit rock bottom. I thought I was literally losing my mind.

Somehow or other I managed to get through that period. Day to day, and sometimes ten minutes to ten minutes. The hurt, the pain, the humiliation, the flaunting of the new man in front of my face, horrible phone calls at all hours of the day and night demanding money and telling me how useless I was.

I just reached a point where I had enough.

I instructed my solicitors to start playing hard. I thought a good place to start would be to see exactly where I stooed with regard to finances, and rigidly stick to not giving her a penny more than she was due. Naturally she hit the roof, tried everything from threatening me to emotional blackmail. I stood firm, told her to stop calling me, to take it up with my solicitor, and that I wouldn't take any more of her ****.

That shook things up. And that was the start of my recovery. I finally learned to put up boundaries, very clear boundaries, about what I will and will not tolerate anymore.

I started feeling better. I started getting my confidence back, slowly, but I could feel it. I started enjoying my time to myself, no more hassle, no more stress, no feeling like I was living in a war zone and evbery day was like navigating a minefield. I started enjoying the female attention I was starting to recieve, the fact that I got my own little social life back on track, spending time with friends, and seeing how well my children were flourishing with me away from that horrible marriage. My daughter threw her arms around my neck a couple of months back and said "it's so nice to have my Daddy back". I had come back from a horrible place, not just the aftermath of the split, but years worth of emotional abuse. I hadn't realised just how bad an effect being in such a horrible marriage had been having on me.

And now? Well, I've recently started a new relatioship with the most kind, loving and affectionate girl I have ever met. She's so different to what I had been used to, we just completely click on every level, and I couldn't believe I could be this happy.

Ironically, my ex's life has started to take a downward turn for the worse. Nothing seems to be going right for her. Tough ****! I told her to stop calling me unless it was about the children, that she made her own bed and can now lie in it. Very satisfying as I meant every single word of it.

My point being, to those of you who are going through Hell and back right now. I stood where you are now standing. I know what it feels like to think things will never get better, and you'll be carrying this pain and hurt for the rest of your lives.

You won't.

It gets better eventually. You won't notice it at first, but it does. You WILL get yourselves back. You WILL get through this, and it will be so much better than before you won't believe it. You'll look back on these times and feel a profound sense of relief that you went through it, because what you get on the other side is something well and truly earned.

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be happy again, let alone find anything as wonderful as this, and to have the peace of mind I have now.

The pain is temporary. Feel it, grieve the loss, work through it day by day. You'll get there in the end. It's all worth it.

I'm rooting for you all. Just know it will be your turn sooner than you think.

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