Quote:
Originally Posted by stav
I'm sorry but..
Your wife doesn't hate your kids, she is feeling threatened by them. To her you are putting the first woman and her kids with you, ahead of her and the daughter you had together. It is natural protective instinct. She feels her daughter is not getting the love and attention you are giving to the other 'first' kids. What are you doing to show her otherwise? You could try being a bit more considerate of your wife's feelings about this. You should find that once she is more secure in her place, she will stop being so jealous of the time you spend with the others.
I also think you must cut ties with the first mother, who i am sure is a threat. After all you dumped her when she had your child, then went back to her years later and had another! Whats to stop you doing it again? I am not suggesting you will, but this is how your wife is seeing it.
When you are asked to take the kids for icecream, take all of them together.. and take your wife too.. then its a family outing with your wife as the matriarch figure. Kids are wonderful things, and your wife as a mother won't be able to resist cute little munchkins running about while you and she have a cappuchino or whatever. You appear to be cutting your wife out of your times with your other kids instead of including her... worth a try maybe?
Oh, and as for mother number one.. she's at work and two small kids are home alone with no food? wtf?? Over here it's illegal to leave children under 14 alone at home unsupervised by an adult..
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I have only seen my boyfriend of a 1 year's daughter once and then he wonders why i feel like i do. He never includes (included) me in anything. This daughter happened to "show up" during the first 6 months of our relationship. the mother got pregnant (she told him she couldn't have any more kids) and then they broke up (he didn't know she was pregnant, he can't stand her, and doesn't want to be with her). She feels guilty and finally brings her around when she was 3 months old. She is now almost 9 months or so. I constantly try to be a part of his kids life. I get mad because he won't let me be a part of their lives. I do not have any children, yet. I am 28 he is 30. I may not ever be able to have childer so i feel maybe god brought this "baby" into our lives so I have a chance to feel what it's like to be a mother. But the more time that goes by and he goes to see her and spends time with her "excluding me" the more i honestly resent the child and i know that it's not the child's fault but i can't help it. That is why i am trying to find something on the internet that can help me understand the way i do. The reason i "hate his kids". and that's when i came across this and it's soooo true. I can somewhat understand where your wife is coming from. If you are not including her then she is going to feel left out. Granted those are your children and she is not their mother. She wants to feel as if you are ONE happy family verses you living TWO seperate lives. You need to include her or at least talk with her. I have came so close to leaving him because of his kids because i feel like such an outsider and then he gets mad at me if he catches me "rolling my eyes" when he talks about his kids. He knows i can't stand him talking about his kids because it's like well if you don't allow me to be a part of their lives then why should i care? Okay sorry i know this post has a lot to do with my situation, but i just wanted to give you an insight of what your wife is maybe feeling since from what you say, it sounds like we are going through the same thing. he used to call her EVERY NIGHT, he used to text the baby momma EVERY DAY, CALL EVERY DAY.. - i mean that is good and all, but when it comes to visitation if we are together then we are ALL together. For the record, i am a really loving caring person that WANTS to be a part of his kids life, but he's not allowing me so i end up turning against them instead. And i too feel threatened sometimes by the kid, because he left me to go live with his mother when the kid showed up on his doorstep at 3 months, so i always have it in the back of my head that he may leave me again because of his kids, just as your wife might think okay he had one, then went back to her and had another, who's to say that you are not doing the do again and won't be together, Granted you said that you don't want the ex back, but just giving you probably your wife's point of view. I have never given him any reason for him to not bring them around me. I know he doesn't want the baby momma back and when he goest to see his daughter, he goes when his mother has her. We do live together and i have seen the baby once. Sorry i just had to get this all off my chest.
My advice - sit her down (if the two of you are still together) talk about it. Try to include her, reassure her that she and your current daughter are just as important. Have her think about what if someone was trying to keep her from her daughter, reassure her that you for real don't want the ex. It even helps to talk about the ex (don't have to in front of the kids) but it makes her feel better - trust me i know from a womans point of view. Take her for dinner. I know it may sound good to have a good relationship with the ex for the sake of the kids, but that's not something the current wife/girl wants because she will feel threatened and cheated, so you may want to reduce the bond between you and your ex but not between you and your kids.