Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

carmaenforcer · 03-17-2008, 08:27 AM

Hello qq49h, let me start by saying I feel your pain in having to deal with a selfish person. My Wife was the very definition of the word for a long time and I had to try and teach her that her behavior was wrong.
I can't exactly compare your situation to the one I had to deal with, for your wife, I assume was not like this before and has consciously decided to do all that she is doing, despite your feelings.
If it's ok for her to go stay in a hotel with a couple of young guys then it should be ok for you to go stay in a hotel with a couple of young girls, right?
Of coarse it wouldn't be, and I don't even think that a 35 year old man can arrange that without having to pay. A thought!
Sorry to say but aside from giving her a taste of what she is trying to feed you, I don't see this ending anywhere good.
Also, not to be mean but I'm sorry, how dumb do you have to be to believe that a couple of guys, especially 19 and 21 year old guys have innocent intentions toward your wife and that her staying a couple of days in a hotel room with them is anything than what it appears to be.
Please, I think you will eventually have to make the hard decision and leave this marriage on your own or wait around for it too just get worse. I mean if she is now, just not coming home on the regular and boldly staying out for days with other men in a hotel, then what's next?
The phrase comes to mind, "be a man" set some ground rules. She will either respect you or leave and those should be her only options by the way.
She is testing the limits she perceives and is missing the whole point of being married and in a committed, I assume, loving relationship.
The next logical step in her quest of selfishness is divorce anyway. You will just be taking control of a situation she created and is in full control of at this time.

I feel for you so much and wish I had better things to say, but please don't give all of yourself to try and save someone that couldn't care less about your feelings.

I didn't offer my story of how I tamed the selfish beast in my household because like I said our situations don't compare. My Wife was selfish when I found her and I had to break her like a wild horse, yours adopted this behavior deliberately and has chosen you to prove her point(s) on.

I know it will be hard with children involved, but do try and take care of yourself and be a little selfish in return. Most bullies don't like the taste of their own medicine. This will either snap her into coherence or hasten the inevitable.

Good luck...

03-17-2008, 08:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
carmaenforcer Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 148	Re: opinions Hello qq49h, let me start by saying I feel your pain in having to deal with a selfish person. My Wife was the very definition of the word for a long time and I had to try and teach her that her behavior was wrong. I can't exactly compare your situation to the one I had to deal with, for your wife, I assume was not like this before and has consciously decided to do all that she is doing, despite your feelings. If it's ok for her to go stay in a hotel with a couple of young guys then it should be ok for you to go stay in a hotel with a couple of young girls, right? Of coarse it wouldn't be, and I don't even think that a 35 year old man can arrange that without having to pay. A thought! Sorry to say but aside from giving her a taste of what she is trying to feed you, I don't see this ending anywhere good. Also, not to be mean but I'm sorry, how dumb do you have to be to believe that a couple of guys, especially 19 and 21 year old guys have innocent intentions toward your wife and that her staying a couple of days in a hotel room with them is anything than what it appears to be. Please, I think you will eventually have to make the hard decision and leave this marriage on your own or wait around for it too just get worse. I mean if she is now, just not coming home on the regular and boldly staying out for days with other men in a hotel, then what's next? The phrase comes to mind, "be a man" set some ground rules. She will either respect you or leave and those should be her only options by the way. She is testing the limits she perceives and is missing the whole point of being married and in a committed, I assume, loving relationship. The next logical step in her quest of selfishness is divorce anyway. You will just be taking control of a situation she created and is in full control of at this time. I feel for you so much and wish I had better things to say, but please don't give all of yourself to try and save someone that couldn't care less about your feelings. I didn't offer my story of how I tamed the selfish beast in my household because like I said our situations don't compare. My Wife was selfish when I found her and I had to break her like a wild horse, yours adopted this behavior deliberately and has chosen you to prove her point(s) on. I know it will be hard with children involved, but do try and take care of yourself and be a little selfish in return. Most bullies don't like the taste of their own medicine. This will either snap her into coherence or hasten the inevitable. Good luck...