carmaenforcer

I am probably the wrong person to be replying to your post.

Sorry if I offend but I have to ask, what all have you done to warrant such harsh words from your husband.
Nothing, I bet huh?
Yeah, I'm sure he is just abusive for no reason. Right? If this is truly the case then maybe he just has some sort of disorder or syndrome like turrets.

I agree that you should just seek a divorce so you can finally fulfill your unrequited love for this other guy. I'm sure, unless your husband is stupid, he senses some of what is/has been going on with you. Just think, if he is this abusive for no reason what so ever then what will he do if he finds that you have been pining over an old "friend" for all these years.

Do be sure that you do not bring whatever poisoned your first marriage to this new/old love affair though, some guys do actually hit or choke or worse when provoked.