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Lon · 02-10-2012, 03:29 PM

Frank, thank you for your well composed and thoughtful response. I certainly never felt like you have been demeaning in any way, though I do feel that many commenters including you do tend to minimize the value of comments by betrayed spouses on here, usually citing that majority of people are not cheaters and thus suggestions of such behavior is not well-founded.

While my experiences have changed my perspective drastically since before I was cheated on, I personally think contributions from betrayed spouses are an invaluable gift, that frequently get dismissed, often from new posters who think we are just jaded people that want to drag everyone else down.

I do agree with you that some people love to come on here and throw the affair card all over the place, even when I too think it is unecessary and sometimes even destructive. From the numerous threads I've read here though I can so easily see the pattern of red flags, the script, and so when it is so painfully obvious I will not hesitate to make sure those whom spouses are in all likelihood cheating get the 2x4 to the head when they need it. I also don't like to pull that card unless their spouse is taking material from the cheaters script. In fact in many threads I have often suggested to suspicious OP's that their fears are unfounded (one today even).

The reason I'm on this thread is partially because the club scene is a trigger for me, but mostly because I know just what the bars/nightclub scene is really about and it bothers me that so many people dismiss the threat that kind of atmosphere poses to relationships... COguy said it best way back, just one person tell me what the benefit of these places are? It really isn't just about "dancing" but that seems to be the innocent justification that is frequently used, clubs are about a sexual formula used to get people to loosen their inhibitions and their wallets.

I agree that every couple has the right to define their own boundaries, for some having a spouse that parties without them at the club is acceptable even it if is risky. And also Frank, I apologize for calling you naive, I don't know you and was just getting defensive about feeling like my opinion was being minimized due to my experience.

02-10-2012, 03:29 PM	#102 (permalink)
Lon Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 5,700	Re: The girls night out debacle... Frank, thank you for your well composed and thoughtful response. I certainly never felt like you have been demeaning in any way, though I do feel that many commenters including you do tend to minimize the value of comments by betrayed spouses on here, usually citing that majority of people are not cheaters and thus suggestions of such behavior is not well-founded. While my experiences have changed my perspective drastically since before I was cheated on, I personally think contributions from betrayed spouses are an invaluable gift, that frequently get dismissed, often from new posters who think we are just jaded people that want to drag everyone else down. I do agree with you that some people love to come on here and throw the affair card all over the place, even when I too think it is unecessary and sometimes even destructive. From the numerous threads I've read here though I can so easily see the pattern of red flags, the script, and so when it is so painfully obvious I will not hesitate to make sure those whom spouses are in all likelihood cheating get the 2x4 to the head when they need it. I also don't like to pull that card unless their spouse is taking material from the cheaters script. In fact in many threads I have often suggested to suspicious OP's that their fears are unfounded (one today even). The reason I'm on this thread is partially because the club scene is a trigger for me, but mostly because I know just what the bars/nightclub scene is really about and it bothers me that so many people dismiss the threat that kind of atmosphere poses to relationships... COguy said it best way back, just one person tell me what the benefit of these places are? It really isn't just about "dancing" but that seems to be the innocent justification that is frequently used, clubs are about a sexual formula used to get people to loosen their inhibitions and their wallets. I agree that every couple has the right to define their own boundaries, for some having a spouse that parties without them at the club is acceptable even it if is risky. And also Frank, I apologize for calling you naive, I don't know you and was just getting defensive about feeling like my opinion was being minimized due to my experience.