Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - I need a guys perspective, why would he do this?

kag123 · 02-12-2012, 08:04 AM

Thank you all for the replies.

Obviously I can only really guess at what his reasoning is as much as any other person on this board can, but to respond to some of your recent posts:

I have been making more of an effort in the last 2-3 months to be more available to him. Part of the initiating thing is an emotional problem that I need to get over, I desperately want for him to come to me and WANT me without me having to feel like I am coaxing him into it. (I dont know how you men can do this time after time when you say that you feel that you have to beg your wife for sex - I think it feels humilating sometimes and sad. I really feel for you guys.) Even though I may share some of the same sex drive as a man, I am still a woman who feels the need for an emotional connection during sex. So I interpret a lot of his standoffish behaviors poorly and take them personally which makes it hard for me to get up the nerve to initiate sex with him more often. Usually the 1-2 times a month when I am initiating it, is when I cannot control myself anymore and would probably have sex with any warm body that was available LOL. That sounds really over-the-top and of course I would never CHEAT on him, but hopefully you understand what I mean. Plus I kept foolishly thinking - if I make him wait long enough, his sex drive will kick in and he will come to me when he just can't hold out any longer. Obviously that is flawed logic.

Maybe he has desensitized himself too much from too much masturbation. I had to stop using vibrators for that reason (my choice) because it was desensitizing me to being able to fully enjoy sex with my husband. I took it upon myself to stop using them to make the sex more enjoyable.

We did have a firm talk recently and I thought I had made it clear that I want him to come to me for sex instead of going off to do it himself, but I feel that nothing has changed. Maybe I wasn't clear enough, I am not sure. I have been making an effort to spice things up lately, meeting him during his lunch break for a quickie and things like that, and he recieves them really well but then it's still like nothing changes. He's still not coming to me more often and still doing the same old stuff.

Things didn't use to always be this way. We have two young children at home and before we had kids he was always coming to me. Then we had kids - and I went through a period where my sex drive was low (not an unusually long time, maybe 3 months or so after each birth while I was physically recovering and up all night with the baby) and then we seem to have never really recovered from that. You think he has the "madonna" complex?

02-12-2012, 08:04 AM	#15 (permalink)
kag123 Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 457	Re: I need a guys perspective, why would he do this? Thank you all for the replies. Obviously I can only really guess at what his reasoning is as much as any other person on this board can, but to respond to some of your recent posts: I have been making more of an effort in the last 2-3 months to be more available to him. Part of the initiating thing is an emotional problem that I need to get over, I desperately want for him to come to me and WANT me without me having to feel like I am coaxing him into it. (I dont know how you men can do this time after time when you say that you feel that you have to beg your wife for sex - I think it feels humilating sometimes and sad. I really feel for you guys.) Even though I may share some of the same sex drive as a man, I am still a woman who feels the need for an emotional connection during sex. So I interpret a lot of his standoffish behaviors poorly and take them personally which makes it hard for me to get up the nerve to initiate sex with him more often. Usually the 1-2 times a month when I am initiating it, is when I cannot control myself anymore and would probably have sex with any warm body that was available LOL. That sounds really over-the-top and of course I would never CHEAT on him, but hopefully you understand what I mean. Plus I kept foolishly thinking - if I make him wait long enough, his sex drive will kick in and he will come to me when he just can't hold out any longer. Obviously that is flawed logic. Maybe he has desensitized himself too much from too much masturbation. I had to stop using vibrators for that reason (my choice) because it was desensitizing me to being able to fully enjoy sex with my husband. I took it upon myself to stop using them to make the sex more enjoyable. We did have a firm talk recently and I thought I had made it clear that I want him to come to me for sex instead of going off to do it himself, but I feel that nothing has changed. Maybe I wasn't clear enough, I am not sure. I have been making an effort to spice things up lately, meeting him during his lunch break for a quickie and things like that, and he recieves them really well but then it's still like nothing changes. He's still not coming to me more often and still doing the same old stuff. Things didn't use to always be this way. We have two young children at home and before we had kids he was always coming to me. Then we had kids - and I went through a period where my sex drive was low (not an unusually long time, maybe 3 months or so after each birth while I was physically recovering and up all night with the baby) and then we seem to have never really recovered from that. You think he has the "madonna" complex?