Originally Posted by Thorburn
Stuck - yea I know the feeling.
My WS says she remembers 4 times having sex with the OM and the the fifth time they were going to have sex I busted them by calling her on the phone. My son and I were tracking her by this time. I know for a fact that she was with him 7 times. I know the times, dates, locations, etc. I can give her all the details of what she did prior and what she did afterwards to meeting up with the OM. It is like I was freaken there. I have made it clear that I want her to remember and yet I get the I don't remember, I want to forget it, it is all becoming a fog, etc from her. She claims that she was never with him past 9:00 P.M. (since he had to go to work early in the morning) yet I know for a fact that she once dropped him off at 10:45 P.M. and one other time at 10:30 P.M. I showed her some of my information. Yet she still states she does not remember being out that late. She says she knows that this is important to me but she claims to not remember and she says she will not lie about it. She knows if she lies I will go nuts.
It makes no sense to me that she does not remember. What she has told me I have been able to verify. It just drives me nuts that she does not remember two of the times and the late nights. Perhaps she does want to put it in the past and wants to forget the whole thing. She says she feels like a piece of **** for doing what she did and wants to move forward.
Me - I want to get everything out in the open so I can move forward.
At least my WS will talk to me just about anytime I want to talk to her about it and I let her know my frustration with her not remembering some of the dates and times.
Honestly, she has nothing to lose if she tells me everything, but she has everything to lose if I find out she lied to me or held stuff back. My WS has had some memory issues over the years, but over time the memories come back to her. I told her that she needs to work on remembering this stuff if she really wants to help me move forward.
It sounds to me like she is repressing some memories. It may be that she doesn't want admit to anything more than she already has but it also may be that there are certain memories that her mind has blocked out for one reason or another. An affair is a huge traumatic event for everyone. Trauma can cause the mind to repress certain memories. Does she have abuse issues in the past? Many abuse survivors have learned to block memories rather well without them even knowing they're doing it. Blocking memories gets easier for the mind the more times it is done. She may need IC in order to find out why she is repressing memories if that is indeed what is happening.