Where to start... I am new to the forums... I feel as though I have used all my resources with family and friends (who all.. despite their efforts to not be...are biased on way or the other) and thought anonymity from people elsewhere could help me and my marriage.
I know most people would say to go to a counselor but I could never get my husband to go. I assume I should give some background information on our relationship before I jump into the problems that I need help solving.
We started dating when we were in high school. We have had our ups and downs. From break-ups to make-ups and so forth. While we were dating, he decided he needed to get his life on the right track. He joined the military and has been Active Duty since. We got married 3 years into his military career. He was deployed shortly thereafter. For the next 2 years, our marriage was not spent together but rather apart. He lived in one state and would come home weekends to where I lived with my parents.
Last September his 4 years was up and we were deciding on whether or not he would re-enlist. We wanted to buy a house and their were orders to where we wanted to live. We bought a house and moved 2 hours south of our family and friends. Everything seemed to go downhill after that. He hates where we live now. We don’t know anyone and only see family/some friends on weekends. Our bills have grown and our "splurge" money dwindled away to almost nothing. We get by just fine but we can not go out and just throw money away like we could a few years ago.
The problems I am having revolve around him. I LOVE being able to wake up every morning and go to bed every night with him by my side. He doesn’t seem as thrilled. He is NEVER happy and the smallest of things set him off into a violent rage (my walls have the holes to prove it). He has been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety issues in the past but he is not on any medication for them. Our sex life (I actually was told from the wife of one his friends that he mentioned he is not attracted to me anymore. When I heard that my heart sank and broke into a million pieces. I have since lost almost 40 lbs. I have about 30 more to go until i am at my goal weight) is almost nothing unless I start it up. He says he "hates his life" from the bills we pay to his job to where we live... he hates them all. I am apart of his life and I personally do not feel as though I have done anything wrong to warrant him hating our life together.
How can I make him happy? I am terrified of his rage outbursts. We don’t have any children yet... I thank my lucky stars. I don’t think I ever want to bring children into this world with him as the father. He scares the crap out of me and that isn’t normal. He doesn’t seem to sleep at all anymore.
Sorry this is a novel but I needed to vent and hopefully someone can help me. I know he needs to go to the doctor and get help but he wont. What can I do? Is there any hope? I also feel like ALL OF THIS is somehow my fault.
I apologize if I skip around and jump to new topics. I have wanted to get all this off my chest for some time now and once I started writing, I couldn’t stop.
All help is appreciated.