Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

hopeless11 · 02-16-2012, 01:06 AM

OK. So I am looking for some help. I have been in a relationship with a woman who I truly and absolutely love beyond belief.

Her life is filled with betrayal and cheating. Her exhusband cheated on her when her 2nd child was 2 years old, with her cousin. He is now married to her cousin with thier own kids. The cousin is her mom's niece.

Her parents are divorced and remarried. During the time of thier relationship, there were times of infidelity by her dad and strife and struggle.

Her family members are pigs. Have wives and children and mistresses and other children. Her brother is a pig, having multiple women.

Overall, a life filled with cheating.

We were together for 8 years. Engaged for 2. Over the 8 years, she has stated to me multiple times that "all men cheat, ALL MEN:, insinuating me as well. She has also sabotaged our relationship multiple times, breaking up many times for silly reasons (I am not nice enough to people, Her daughters are not happy, She is not happy - but not saying why) All the while, always telling me she loves me and is in love with me. She even broke our engagement 6 months back and gave me a list of things I had to change in order for us to be together, just as all times in the past.

I have sacrificed and given all that I am for this. Taken her places and showing her things she has never experienced. Most of all, love and compassion and a willingness to never leave her.

Most recently, she took my cellphone and riffled through my phone. She heard 2 messages from 2 women. 1 woman saying "hey dave, you never answer your phone when I call and you never return my calls". This was a woman who I met and WAS BECAME FRIENDS WITH when my fiance gave me the ring back and told me she did not want to marry me. When my fiance and I reconsiled, I told the other girl the same. She insisted that I was stupid, etc.. But I tried to be respectful.
In the 2nd message, it was a realtor who I had some discussions with about real estate and the realty industry. Her message was "Hey. It is X. I have a 4 day weekend coming and if you want to get together, let me know". Since we live 300 miles apart yet have a common area we are from, the message was to meet over the holiday weekend to chat about real estate, etc... provided I was going to be in the area. I have NEVER met the woman, EVER still to this day!

So, my fiance came to me and said, "How long have you been cheating on me! It is over and I never want to see you again. Forget you know me!" I was shocked but my reaction was swift. I told her if that is what\how she wanted to act and think, to give me the ring back because I am not a cheater. She never let me explain anything. She even called the realty woman and the realty woman told her that she did not know me and to please not call again and hung up the phone.

My fiance blocked my phone number from calling her, does not answer the door, told everyone in her family that I am a cheater and a liar. The fact that I reacted how I did, the woman says she does not know me are proof that I am a liar and a cheater...

Also, in the past I have tried to talk with her and get her to go to counselling together and alone. She refused. She went to 2 sessions on her own and she stopped, telling me that the counselor told her that "she is fine, people just have to accept her for who she is."

Then on Valentine's day. She had class that ends at 9:30. She showed up at 11pm. (We are neighbors so I see her coming and going) I approached her and told her that it was interesting that I am a cheater but she has time to be out with whoever on Valentine's day. I know it was not the best thing to do, but I am struggling and just acted out.

Bottom line is that I do not know what is happening or what to do. I was thinking of taking a polygraph to prove my innocense but feel it wrong to have to prove I am innocent when my actions over 8 years should show all that is needed. I have never acted any way other than dedicated and wanting\needing her in my life. All my friends have always told me that I am the best man a woman could ever want and that she is simply psychotic and crazy.

I love her. I just want to be with her but do not even know how to start to talk with her... She agreed to speak with me this Friday, but it was my request for atleast 5 minutes based solely on getting the truth out and talking for the sake of her, I, the kids and everyone else. She agreed to Friday, but it was not her idea...

I am lost. Anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

02-16-2012, 01:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
hopeless11 Registered User Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Virginia Posts: 21	Untrusting fiance, left me OK. So I am looking for some help. I have been in a relationship with a woman who I truly and absolutely love beyond belief. Her life is filled with betrayal and cheating. Her exhusband cheated on her when her 2nd child was 2 years old, with her cousin. He is now married to her cousin with thier own kids. The cousin is her mom's niece. Her parents are divorced and remarried. During the time of thier relationship, there were times of infidelity by her dad and strife and struggle. Her family members are pigs. Have wives and children and mistresses and other children. Her brother is a pig, having multiple women. Overall, a life filled with cheating. We were together for 8 years. Engaged for 2. Over the 8 years, she has stated to me multiple times that "all men cheat, ALL MEN:, insinuating me as well. She has also sabotaged our relationship multiple times, breaking up many times for silly reasons (I am not nice enough to people, Her daughters are not happy, She is not happy - but not saying why) All the while, always telling me she loves me and is in love with me. She even broke our engagement 6 months back and gave me a list of things I had to change in order for us to be together, just as all times in the past. I have sacrificed and given all that I am for this. Taken her places and showing her things she has never experienced. Most of all, love and compassion and a willingness to never leave her. Most recently, she took my cellphone and riffled through my phone. She heard 2 messages from 2 women. 1 woman saying "hey dave, you never answer your phone when I call and you never return my calls". This was a woman who I met and WAS BECAME FRIENDS WITH when my fiance gave me the ring back and told me she did not want to marry me. When my fiance and I reconsiled, I told the other girl the same. She insisted that I was stupid, etc.. But I tried to be respectful. In the 2nd message, it was a realtor who I had some discussions with about real estate and the realty industry. Her message was "Hey. It is X. I have a 4 day weekend coming and if you want to get together, let me know". Since we live 300 miles apart yet have a common area we are from, the message was to meet over the holiday weekend to chat about real estate, etc... provided I was going to be in the area. I have NEVER met the woman, EVER still to this day! So, my fiance came to me and said, "How long have you been cheating on me! It is over and I never want to see you again. Forget you know me!" I was shocked but my reaction was swift. I told her if that is what\how she wanted to act and think, to give me the ring back because I am not a cheater. She never let me explain anything. She even called the realty woman and the realty woman told her that she did not know me and to please not call again and hung up the phone. My fiance blocked my phone number from calling her, does not answer the door, told everyone in her family that I am a cheater and a liar. The fact that I reacted how I did, the woman says she does not know me are proof that I am a liar and a cheater... Also, in the past I have tried to talk with her and get her to go to counselling together and alone. She refused. She went to 2 sessions on her own and she stopped, telling me that the counselor told her that "she is fine, people just have to accept her for who she is." Then on Valentine's day. She had class that ends at 9:30. She showed up at 11pm. (We are neighbors so I see her coming and going) I approached her and told her that it was interesting that I am a cheater but she has time to be out with whoever on Valentine's day. I know it was not the best thing to do, but I am struggling and just acted out. Bottom line is that I do not know what is happening or what to do. I was thinking of taking a polygraph to prove my innocense but feel it wrong to have to prove I am innocent when my actions over 8 years should show all that is needed. I have never acted any way other than dedicated and wanting\needing her in my life. All my friends have always told me that I am the best man a woman could ever want and that she is simply psychotic and crazy. I love her. I just want to be with her but do not even know how to start to talk with her... She agreed to speak with me this Friday, but it was my request for atleast 5 minutes based solely on getting the truth out and talking for the sake of her, I, the kids and everyone else. She agreed to Friday, but it was not her idea... I am lost. Anyone have any ideas or suggestions?