Join Date: Feb 2012
| | Wife's hidden affair while deployed but "Fixing"
When i returned from my 7 month deployment, my wife was really standoffish, not nearly as excited to see me as she has been on my previous deployments, and buried in her phone, also, we went out right away, rather than go home and have long awaited reunion sex. this lasted for a month or so, with the exception of this one time we had sex, (with a condom for her health.. she had a bladder infection) and it was not the same. We've known each other for a long time, have had an awesome marriage, shes smoking hot, and I'm in very good shape and weve had alot of sex in the past, anyhow, it was not the same. I've confronted her about it and she just said we got disconnected and had to reacclimate, which is true in the sense of a long absence, but it was just off. I asked her about cheating and she looked me right in the face and denied it. Well, I was in her email to get a document for some bills and taxes and stuff, and found months and months of correspondence between her and some other guy about love and romance and sex and the kind of emails i typically get when im away. Because of which, since I have a strong upbringing in the sanctity of marriage and god and being "morally sound" and giving everything to your family, i immediately began packing my things for the inevitable, unfortunate divorce. but our history, the amount ive invested, our house, and how sincere she was about being remorseful and apologetic, and all the stuff, the isms, the stuff thats "us" somehow enabled me to go through "some time" sort of probation and schedule counseling to try and fix it. I'm just very torn on the basis of principal and feel ill be unhappy with her and unhappy without her. Its very out of character and weak of me, but it seems necessary. We've had fun since then, had an awesome vacation, but as well as it seems, sex isnt the same, i guess it takes time, but i still do all the same things good husbands should do, whether it be financially, romantically, cooking, cleaning, being a gentleman, with the expectation of having spontaneity and her having sexual initiative and doing "favors for me" I'm still very much in love with her, but still so jealous and disgusted, and cant get any retribution, I have a very succesful career, i get paid well, I daytrade and i dont want to throw it away for premediatated assault on the other guy, since im incapable of hurting her, besides my words, and it seems like a downward spiral. I don't want to start again with someone else, but id like to have an awesome marriage like i used to. I've made assumptions about her in the past, and recently found she thinks marriage is just a piece of paper and does not have the same kind of character i can be proud of, its very difficult and i hope counnseling will help dig deeper, but I'm very against divorce and also very much so against adultery. I really just came here to vent, and maybe get constructive advice besides "just leave the *****' if possible