I am sorry you are going through this. I know all too well how you must be feeling. First, the images/obsessive thoughts will decrease over time (been 7 months for me and they are very infrequent now compared to non-stop at first). I struggled with wanting to know details, because the images in my mind could not be any better, but tread with caution here as for some it will make them feel worse...for me, I couldn't deal with some random woman knowing things about me/my husband that I was out of the loop on. He may very well be confused as to why it happened as frustrating as it is for you to hear, because you need some sort of reassurance it won't happen again. He was most likely feeling some void in your marriage (feeling unloved and/or unappreciated) and you should both have some long, calm talks about where your marriage is at and how to rebuild from here (I would guess there are voids on both sides) The good news is, you both still love one another so it can work. I would think he wants to renew your vows because he's broken them and it may be his way of proving to you he really wants to be committed. I don't think it's him trying to 'erase' his mistake and go on like nothing has happened. There are some days when I wonder why we are even married, since our vows have been broken, but we haven't talked about renewing them. I don't know, just doesn't seem right either way I see it. Since he does now realize he loves you, he is going to be feeling very ashamed about the affair and may get frustrated if you keep bringing it up. I know that sounds ridiculous that you should have to worry about his feelings when your world has been flipped upside-down but wanted to put that out there so you know it's a normal reaction. The best way to move forward is to acknowledge where you BOTH were at fault in the marriage...understand what went wrong with the two of you...it does wonders to give you peace of mind that you have some control over the relationship going forward. Try to get whatever information you need to hear now and do your best to move forward from here and not keep revisiting the past...This is so much easier said than done and I still struggle with it myself. He needs to work on rebuilding your trust...he needs to be an open book for as long as it takes for you to be comfortable again. If it means calling you several times a day, or whatever. He also needs to stop all contact with the other woman (in my case they work together so it has been hard for me to regain trust) I did see a counselor on my own for a while, just to sort out the thoughts racing through my mind. Hang in there, it does get better & I have to say our marriage right now is more than I ever imagined a marriage could be
