I agree,people don't know how to respond when someone is grieving.
When my brother committed suicide, people would tell me things like, "At least he is at peace now"...or "his suffering is finally over"...blah blah blah.
Those statements were not really what I wanted to hear; nor were they particularly helpful in my greiving process. But, these people did not know what to say and they were trying their best.
Now, people are constantly telling me that I "can do better"...or, that in the long run I will be happy. So that I am "better off without him". I don't really want to hear these statements, and I always do not want to hear disparaging comments made about my estranged husband....(although sometimes I do.
You need to tell your family and friends what you need. I had to tell my mom that I don't want her to bad-mouth my estranged husband all the time...I just need her there to listen to me when I feel sad or alone. It has helped a lot to tell her how she can support me.
Your family and friends obviously want the best for you. They want to support you--you may just have to tell them how to do that.