Originally Posted by endlessgrief
I too know true loneliness in a marriage. Living in the same house with someone and being totally alone. He goes to his room and I go to mine (we have separate beds because of his snoring).
I too was sleeping in the spare bed for "snoring" (well it was actually a medical problem, massive nasal polyps that were literally choking me, that I took way too have fixed partly because of my stubborness and largely because of a 18 month surgery waitlist). I don't know what happened all that time, at first it really was out of necessity so we both (well her that is) could sleep, with me being the doormat I willingly took the spare bed.
She never once in almost two years came and snuggled up with me, I didn't realize until after it all fell apart how long it was and how it eventually killed the connection we had. There were a couple times I would go to her (our) bed but she would get anxious and the moment I dozed off I lost the mental concentration necessary to keep my throat muscles relaxed enough to breathe quietly, so she would elbow me and tell me to leave.
If you want to really do something that will have such a huge impact on your relationship right now this very night, go to his bed and snuggle up with him, or even just lie beside him, wear ear plugs if you have to, or at the very least let him have the master bed. A man who doesn't sleep in his own bed has failed already and has accepted it is out of his hands, is broken. If you are not going to give him approval as your H then please, please divorce him so neither of you waste precious life and he can have his own bed atleast.
You cannot change someone no matter how hard you try. My husband is not going to suddenly stop being depressed, stop drinking, and start liking to cuddle. I am very affectionate and have not been touched in ages. Thank God I have my dog Lou who can take all my affection.
You can't change a person but you can change your own life and your own situation. Right now you have higher regards for you dog than your H, no wonder he doesn't want to cuddle with you he doesn't feel worthy enough.