outinthecold

My daughter and I had a long talk about our emotions.

She is so fearful of giving herself in love to her best friend/old boyfriend.

Boys seem to be falling in love with her these days (new guy she is dating). She is really a beautiful girl, not just for the way she looks, but she is a deep person with a giant intellect with an edge to her. No makeup for this girl, I hardly ever see her dress up.

I know she is smarter than me.

I said the future holds so much promise, it is the future, each branch or choice we make leads us to to another branch or choice.

I sometimes have so much clarity, then it is clouded with emotions.

This morning I woke up, saw my whole situation as a struggle in life. A struggle I must embrace.

Maybe my wife and I are not meant to be forever. Or maybe, she and I need to fix each other before we meet again.

Maybe we are forever

Only time will tell.

I'm not religious but, sometimes in my life it seems coincidental, that a door closes and then a window opens somewhere.

It has happened to me so many times in my life. Like when I met my wife 24 years ago.

I just don't know.

What I do know is that I must get better, I must overcome my passive-aggressive-psychological-disorder it will hinder me for the rest of my life.

I must also not pass it on to my daughters.

Today, I embrace everything, I'm gonna feel everything, I'm gonna do the things I enjoy, I'm gonna give my opinions without fear, I will do things now without waiting, I will learn to love myself.

Most important, I'm gonna love my kids with every drop of blood I have.

My wife gave me four gifts and the fifth the gift of clarity.

I'm gonna cherish these gifts.