Originally Posted by TDSC60
You seem to be in a fog thinking that unhappiness with the marriage is to blame for EAs. This is not always the case. Many EA start as a simple "Hello what have you been up to". A very simple attempt to "catch up" on what has been happening to another person since last you talked. From there it can develop very fast into "I am unhappy in my marriage", "My husband is terrible", "I love you OM".
It seems your wife is addicted to the attention she gets from Other Men. Her attempting contact with an Ex BF several times a year for over 5 years for "closure" is BS. She is hoping that he will tell her she is the greatest thing every and he made a horrible mistake letting her get away.
I think she is addicted to this behavior and I would be surprised it has only happened a couple of time. And if she keeps fishing for Other Men to get involved with (Ex BF) it will happen again and again until she becomes physical with someone.
Mine had several EAs with heavy sexual stuff 12 years ago. Then one in 2010. Then another in 2011 that went PA. Yea mine was a fisher of men (something she must had learned in Suday school). Addiction to attention, that she can get younger men to find her attractive, who the hell knows.
Behaviors can be dealt with and stop. If this was not so I would not stay with my WS. People stop using drugs everyday and can stay clean. The problem lies not in do they want to change (that is part of it), but in having accountibility and taking action to prevent the behavior.
Honestly, I am not now, nor was I the problem. You will find that even the best marriages are not affair proof.
Your WS has a problem and a serious one, very similar to mine.