Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Addiction Problem or Motivation Problem?
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 02-21-2012, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 18
Addiction Problem or Motivation Problem?

My husband and I have been married for 6.5 years, together for 2 before. We always had the plan that he would be the breadwinner and I would work for supplemental income if possible. However, that is not what has happened.

After dropping out of community college and then getting dropped from his online college, and THEN not applying by the deadline for ANOTHER community college,my husband still has no education and a very low paying job. However, in the time we have been together, I went back to school and got a Masters degree and work in a profession and make most of the money. I am very unhappy in my job, I commute far and worth with a population I do not enjoy. I have been "forced" to do this because if I do not, we wont have money to pay the bills.

After many years of asking and not getting real answers, I finally broke down and asked why our deal is still not happening and why he is doing this to me. He responded by telling me that he has been addicted to porn for our entire relationship and hid it from me. He said he would spend hours sleeping then waking up on his days off and watching porn for hours and then quickly try to get stuff done so it looks like he was doing something all day.

I was extremely shocked to hear this. However, it explained a lot. I finally felt like I had an answer to why he has been stagnant for years. He claims he hasn't looked at it since, and is trying to get his stuff together. But I don't know if it is really the addiction that has caused this, or if he just had a motivation problem. He wants me to wait around and see if he gets better. But I feel angry that he has wasted 8 years of my life while I built a future for us and he was looking at porn the whole time. I feel like I shouldnt have to sit by and wait for him to go through college now and support us. We want kids and were trying to get pregnant before he revealed this to me.

I just don't know what to do. I want my marriage to work out but I haven't been happy in many years and I am only 28 and we have no kids. I don't want to give up and regret it though either. Do you think it is really his addiction that has kept him back this whole time or his personality? He is an artist and also has ADD problems. Any help or insight to this problem would be great. I am really lost.
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