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Did marriage counseling help your relationship or make it worse?

14K views 28 replies 20 participants last post by  UCanTalk 
#1 ·
My husband and I are going to be starting marriage counseling next week and I'm kinda nervous. I have heard that it can actually do more harm to the relationship then good :( Any advice or suggestions?
 
#8 ·
Yes, it does. My wife and I are happier now than ever.
Keep in mind though, it is never perfect. No marriage is. Occasionally, I can allow myself to think about the past and get angry, sad, depressed, etc, etc. I have to make myself snap out of it and think of happier things.

If you both work and are willing to change some things, you can work it out and heal.
 
#11 ·
I have found IC and MC very helpful. We were seeing an MC that is also my IC (started IC after MC), but we are switching to a different MC because we want to try a different type of therapy that will be short term, then return to our current MC. I have heard that you may have to try different MCs before finding the "right" one. We were lucky right off the bat. The new MC we are going to start seeing talked to us on the phone before hand to get a feel of what we wanted and what our goals are. I'm excited about it.

Oh, and to answer your question, yes, it has helped tremendously. Though I can't say where we will be in terms of our marriage (we are separated going on 3 months now), but we are in a better place than where we were when he first moved out.
 
#17 ·
What the MC has to do first is to make a working relationship between the H and W. In other words to be a judge which you both have to abide by. However wrong the MC may be.
Once the relationship is more sound and peaceful only then can you go further.
Very few MCs work on this principle and therefore cause more divorce than reconciliation.
 
#19 ·
If you are both committed and find a good one it can. That said im realsing marriage is always going to have its ups and downs.

I'm also in IC and so impressed with the process am training to Be one now.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#22 ·
The technology age I suppose now a days kind of is, has taken the place of a confident conversation with a friend, it is sometimes easier for people to have a typed out convo than it is to sit down and verbalize face to face. With all that is known now a days about a movement of eyes or a deepness of breath some might not be able to feel like they can communicated off screen because of stuff like this. Using a forum is simple, and replies can be brushed off. A conversation requires attention onto a person not onto a sole topic, and usually the convo becomes about appearances silently in terms of other things and the topic discussion is lost, problem not resolved. Yet, yeah person to person interaction is healthy and it costs for a professional opinion the only kind that may be of any value now a days for some.
 
#21 ·
That's great. Marriage counseling is like the biggest step to reconciliation a couple can take, even when the lasting impression of whatever problem caused it remains for like the rest of the relationship. Seriously, the friends, the in laws, all the fun filled stuff that causes so many issues, the tv the computer, the video games, never go away, the simple fact is, dealing with it is what helps, finding an emotional outlet for all the stuff that clashes in a relationship is the solution. Marriage counseling resulted in this for me, it was about agreeing with my spouse about what a crock of stuff the whole thing was and coming to a realization that marriage has to be something more than counseling and being counseled through it. Frankly marriage involves sex and no third party opinion is going to change the whole of it. So with that and knowing all the issues aren't going to go away, and the idea of an emotional outlet takes the place of a hobby, to de stress, one has to find what it is one is emotionally releasing and why, and why one is warming up to other things like money clothes furnishings tools problems, whatever, and go back to the legal binding rules and realize it is either about the person the problems or the stuff and either use marriage itself as a hobby, job, or annoyance and face acceptance or enjoyment. The only thing equal in the marriage are the legalities. Everything else can be divided into halves and percentages beyond.
 
#24 ·
well one things for sure if you see a IC or a MC, they will drag it out for as long as possible. I am sure there are some very good ones out there that won't drag itout. but with some they see a couple as a income. they dont want to sort your problems out to fast. They need to keep you coming back for more....
 
#26 ·
We are on 4 months with our MC and she just announced she is moving home after seperating. At a minimum, our visits to MC helped keep us together during seperation. Time will tell if this will help us make it.

I look forward to seeing ours who is someone we both agreed upon. I think it is important to both agree to only one that you both agree to working with and that you can change them if not working.

The marriage is more important than the MC.
 
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