outinthecold

Thank you for reading from beginning to end.

I flew into Orange County once to the John Wayne airport. Nicest airport I have been too, other than San Jose.

Nice an small, get your own luggage, probably not that way now.

Hay Dave, your on here alot, I see you try and help everybody, you are a good man. I appreciate you.

My wife is still keeping her distance. She said to me today, I acknowledge that I loved you all those years. Which she would not say before, only she was infatuated with me and not really in love.

After some discussion about something she saw on Discovery channel, we had a nice discussion about feelings. How I should keep from talking about my feelings with her, but it was not hurtful. She said a few months ago I would not consider you as a friend, but now we'll see.

When she said that, I saw something in her eyes, it was not complete darkness that I have seen so much these past few months. I saw something, just not darkness and ambilivence.

Maybe we are not ment to be forever, maybe our journeys together ends here, but I'm gonna hang on just a little bit longer.

I am alright today, mowed the lawn, repeated the 17 ways to love yourself. Gave myself some praise.

I'm going to run now for about 4 miles.

I am going to a movie tonight with myself, "Drag Me To Hell" I love terror films.

I had almost given up all the things I like to do, cook, watch horrors films, play soccer, play tennis, video games (counter strike) although I need a faster computer, play with my daughters, joke around with my daughters, little seven year old wrestling.

I really do love myself, everybody try it. Go to the mirror and repeat, "I Love You, your good person, I forgive you, you did awesome today"

At first it seemed hokey but, now I like it.

I'll keep writing, one of these days I'm gonna say, I woke this morning and I'm really really really ok.