Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - New guy, new story, sorry it is so long.
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post #2 of (permalink) Old 02-24-2012, 03:31 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2
Re: New guy, new story, sorry it is so long.

Huge break through.

I gave in to “M’s” parents advice. Basically I was at a point that I was done anyways so why not try to just put the ball in her court as a last chance effort? I mean, that is what was going to happen anyways.

She did not take it well at all. That was yesterday.

So today, after 24 hours of NC (lame huh?!? ) hehe, I decided I needed to clear the air a bit. While I had been doing a lot of letters and emails with my thoughts, she did not allow us to have real conversations face to face. She admitted she over reacted to me telling her I needed space to move on, and I was able to get her to come clean about the OM. 2 dates, some talking, nothing physical (with her that is possible, for our sake, I have to believe it…) but nothing serious, just trying to shake loose from us.

When we split she had a list of complaints, while these certainly were important to her, they needed to be addressed, but they were trivial, simple. They were not anything game breaking for me to address, and most could have been fixed with just better communication. I was able to finally have her really look at the time we have been spending “as friends” and she was able to see that, for the most part, her concerns had been addressed.

She said she will think on it. I got through to her. I know the hardest part is still coming. She is afraid that we can be happy for a year or so then things will just cycle back; I have get her to understand that the relationship that we build will be new, one that might have up and downs, but does not bottom out. I also have to get her to understand the difference between emotion and love. “Love but not in love”, if more people understood that the emotions that came with love was only a (pleasant) side-effect, I think there would be much more success. You are not happy; you don’t feel the positive emotions that come with love, that is just the way it is. Those feelings will have to be nurtured back, but they will never be there if you have a castle around your heart.

Any advice or words of wisdom from the forum? I would love to keep the momentum going forward to a little safer waters.

Thanks for reading.
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