Originally Posted by williamjohnson
I just confronted her. She had been asking me all weekend, "what's wrong?", but it turns out she knew exactly what was wrong. When I started the conversation, she rolled her eyes and said "I knew it was about this."
She told me that she is 100% committed to our marriage and our family, that she doesn't have feelings for him and has not engaged in any inappropriate communications with him, and that she would cut if off if that's what I wanted. She sounded genuine as she said these things.
She also said something to the effect of "I guess this means I can't have male friends," which makes me feel terrible b/c I do not want to be the jealous, controlling type who does not trust his wife. She also talked about how she doesn't have any close friends and that ever since we had the baby she's been yearning for personal time and space.
I guess now it's up to me to believe her and let the feelings of jealousy go. (This is hard to do at the moment.) I have not decided whether to ask her to stop being friends with this guy. What I feel now is still jealousy/anger, but now with a dose of guilt for having (improperly?) accused my wife of wrongdoing. Also a hint of embarrassment for having these emotions in the first place.
I have to admit that after 25 years of marriage, when I see posts like this, it makes me feel so old. The thing is that you shouldn't feel ashamed when you have fears and doubts, assuming that you don't go overboard. I would hope that my wife would care enough for our marriage to want to make sure that we stay close and connected. Still, as the years turn into decades, you'll see times where she becomes suspicious, then it might cycle back to your turn. Imagine how she will feel when she is tired and feeling unnatractive after having a child? Or if she begins to feel like she looks older than you? If she's upset, she'll eventually get a good lesson in what it feels like to be you.