Let me tell you a personal story of my life 10/11 years ago.
I was in a craptastic relationship. There was a child involved. We were not in love but we were committed. Looking back, I should have never been with him...just because I had a child with him, didn't mean I had to deal with him. Hindsight and all...
We had mutual friends. A couple. They were an odd couple...fought a lot but had been dating for 6 years (at that time).
Well, the woman of the couple was always too tired to go out. My mate was always too busy....so my mate and the other woman would just say, "You two should go out and have fun." or "Call up N. Maybe you guys can hang out, I have work to do." or "See what TG is up to, N....I'm tired. Go out with her."
So in the beginning it was friendship. We'd just hang out around other friends.
It was innocent and fun. He was a great guy. We talked about school and the news and religion and it was stimulating. I woudl talk about N to everyone. how smart he was, how talented, how funny....blah blah LOL
Then we started to make plans alone. Still, nothing physical happened. It was just fun. I really liked him. We'd been friends for 3 years. I never thought of him other than just who he was.
Then one night at his house, after listening to his brilliant music (a musician like my mate), we went out for a smoke and I had the most incredible urge to throw myself in to his arms....so i left.
I ran to my care, mid cigarette, and took off. Scared ****less of what just happened inside of me.
And it was amazing.
I didn't ignore it or put it out. I was not happy at home...at all. My mate was emotionally abusive, verbally abusive and I feared him. NOT excuses, just what it was and I was too weak to leave at first.
So my friend and I kept hanging out. Mate got suspicious all of a sudden. I stopped talking about N. I stopped bringing up his name. STILL nothing physical happened...but i wanted it to.
Then one night, I was leaving to go out, my one night a week to go out (I was 24, he was 26...he went out most nights without me...) and i said that I couldn't wait because I had to "meet someone".
My mate said, "Since when did N become "someone""?
On Christmas Day night, after a long day at mate's mom's house (omg....lol) he knew I had to go. And I went in search of my friend (days before phones).
We found each other and hung out and kissed that night.
My point is, things can start out innocent...but take a turn. I know now I should have left my mate before taking things further with this man. I learned a TON from that time of my life and have never cheated on anyone ever since. Even if I wanted to. I just didn't put myself in that situation after that.
So, people here can say "oh they're just friends"...which is true...they are...but...isn't that how dating starts? Just becoming close friends?
I do have male friends, like I've said. But no new once since meeting Hubs. I see no point. My old male friends are 2nd fiddle to my man and they respect the boundaries of friendship.
This dude DOES NOT respect your marriage or he wouldn't be taking up so much of your wife's time.
Don't be fooled. I was fooled. I fooled myself. It was UNREAL how fast that crap took off.
i don't regret it though. It was the only person I ever loved...before meeting Hubs--- Hubs blew that memory out of the freaking water!
ETA: I left my mate a month later...best decision I ever made, even if I was struggling with raising my child. N and I never had sex O.o Nope. We were just in love...a childish and crazy love. Sex was just not happening bceause of issues I had with mate.