Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

draconis · 03-24-2008, 12:31 PM

NOTE: I recently got the following PM and would like to be able to help her as much as I can. I suggested open forums which she had problems posting but gave me permission to post for her.

needing help

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi-
I noticed you do lots of very good posts on this site.. and I could really use some help.

I have been married for almost 2 yrs. and my husband and I have been in this relationship for 8 yrs. We have always argued about the same things.. and always say we'll 'change', but always fall back into our old habits. IWe both keep things bottled up until we can't stand it anymore and explode and have these huge fights- happens about once a month, but recently it's been about ever week . are gradually getting worse.
Recently, he threatens divorce when we get into these arguments.. but then I beg him not to.. and tell him how much I love him..etc. and he tells me "one more chance". I've told him that throwing divorce into our fights needs to stop- it hurts and its not helpful... So, we both stop our bad habits and try to fix things.. only to bottle other things up and have an explosive fight a few days later.

Recently, we both started playing WoW.. he started before me and then got me playing after Christmas We both sit at seperate computers doing our own thing for hours in the evening.. until its time for bed, then we go to bed and don't talk or anything... So, I welcome the help with my character from other players when possible. So I started doing 'quests' with another player ( will call him T). T and I have been playing on the game together for a few months now. We would msg. each other and talk about real life stuff. We'd sorda flirt back and forth, but mostly just help each other out. I didn't worry about telling him I was married b/c I didn't think anything would happen... my first mistake.. then he started msging me things like "hey babe" or "cya sweets" .. innocent enough... I use those type of words in normal life, but I don't hear them a lot from my husband, so hearing them from T felt nice. It made me feel like I was important to somebody. So the more T did it, the more I drifted away from my husband, the more we started to argue, the more I got involved and 'addicted' to the game. I enjoyed my time with T, and I enjoyed talking to him. Then we really started to flirt a lot and sometimes our msgs would get kinda sexual in contexts... . My husband happened to see him call me 'babe' one nite, and then later me call him 'sweets', I just told him oh its not big deal.. it doesn't mean anything, yada yada. So, then T and I had a very sexual conversation over the computer and ended up having computer sex I guess. We had gotten to know each other pretty well, and I knew he wasn't a psycho.. Then he asked if I wanted his #, and I agreed to talk to him. At first, it was innocent.. we'd just talk about the game and life. One night I was playing and he started talking very sexual on the computer to me, then asked me if I wanted to finish the conversation on the phone.. and so we did. We had phone sex, and it was the most action I had gotten in several months. T and I had a few more of these conversations late at night after my husband had gone to sleep. Then, the other night I played the game really late and T asked if I wanted to talk after finishing a few things on the game.. so I did. In the middle of our conversation, my husband walks in on me having phone sex.. he asked what I was doing, so I told him, and he asked who with, and I told him. . It all just happened so fast and I couldn't even believe that it had reached this point.

He and I both left our house and went to seperate locations. I know that this is cheating.. but I never did anything physical.. The following day, I called him to apologize and try to talk to him. We had a very helpful talk. He told me that if we were going to try and work things out, he wanted me to 'get fit' ( as in lose weight) and accept that there would be alot more questions asked, and he wanted me to come up with one logical reason why he should take me back.. I couldn't other than that if he truly loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me he would find a way to work through this with me. I told him I wanted to go to counseling, which he is not big on. I told him the reason, and told him that it was up to him.. he hasn't answered yet.

Anyhow, I've decided to quit the game.. and tell T that I am married, All of this happened so fast, and now I am faced with the fact that I single handedly messed up my marriage completely, not to mention probably ended it.

Where do I begin in all this? What do I need to do to convince him that I love him and want him to take me back more than anything?

Please help in anyway you can.. I appreciate it.

Thank you for your time.

update:

Right now, I need to know what I should be doing to get my husband to forgive me. We spoke today and he has agreed to go to counseling with me, which is really good for him ( he doesn't accept psychologists with open arms). What do we need to discuss most with our chosen counselor/ psychologists?

Thanks for all your help.. and feel free to post my private msg to u.. i just couldn't figure out how to do it and I needed answers as soon as possible.

03-24-2008, 12:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
draconis Forum Supporter Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North East Posts: 3,501	A friend needs help NOTE: I recently got the following PM and would like to be able to help her as much as I can. I suggested open forums which she had problems posting but gave me permission to post for her. needing help -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi- I noticed you do lots of very good posts on this site.. and I could really use some help. I have been married for almost 2 yrs. and my husband and I have been in this relationship for 8 yrs. We have always argued about the same things.. and always say we'll 'change', but always fall back into our old habits. IWe both keep things bottled up until we can't stand it anymore and explode and have these huge fights- happens about once a month, but recently it's been about ever week . are gradually getting worse. Recently, he threatens divorce when we get into these arguments.. but then I beg him not to.. and tell him how much I love him..etc. and he tells me "one more chance". I've told him that throwing divorce into our fights needs to stop- it hurts and its not helpful... So, we both stop our bad habits and try to fix things.. only to bottle other things up and have an explosive fight a few days later. Recently, we both started playing WoW.. he started before me and then got me playing after Christmas We both sit at seperate computers doing our own thing for hours in the evening.. until its time for bed, then we go to bed and don't talk or anything... So, I welcome the help with my character from other players when possible. So I started doing 'quests' with another player ( will call him T). T and I have been playing on the game together for a few months now. We would msg. each other and talk about real life stuff. We'd sorda flirt back and forth, but mostly just help each other out. I didn't worry about telling him I was married b/c I didn't think anything would happen... my first mistake.. then he started msging me things like "hey babe" or "cya sweets" .. innocent enough... I use those type of words in normal life, but I don't hear them a lot from my husband, so hearing them from T felt nice. It made me feel like I was important to somebody. So the more T did it, the more I drifted away from my husband, the more we started to argue, the more I got involved and 'addicted' to the game. I enjoyed my time with T, and I enjoyed talking to him. Then we really started to flirt a lot and sometimes our msgs would get kinda sexual in contexts... . My husband happened to see him call me 'babe' one nite, and then later me call him 'sweets', I just told him oh its not big deal.. it doesn't mean anything, yada yada. So, then T and I had a very sexual conversation over the computer and ended up having computer sex I guess. We had gotten to know each other pretty well, and I knew he wasn't a psycho.. Then he asked if I wanted his #, and I agreed to talk to him. At first, it was innocent.. we'd just talk about the game and life. One night I was playing and he started talking very sexual on the computer to me, then asked me if I wanted to finish the conversation on the phone.. and so we did. We had phone sex, and it was the most action I had gotten in several months. T and I had a few more of these conversations late at night after my husband had gone to sleep. Then, the other night I played the game really late and T asked if I wanted to talk after finishing a few things on the game.. so I did. In the middle of our conversation, my husband walks in on me having phone sex.. he asked what I was doing, so I told him, and he asked who with, and I told him. . It all just happened so fast and I couldn't even believe that it had reached this point. He and I both left our house and went to seperate locations. I know that this is cheating.. but I never did anything physical.. The following day, I called him to apologize and try to talk to him. We had a very helpful talk. He told me that if we were going to try and work things out, he wanted me to 'get fit' ( as in lose weight) and accept that there would be alot more questions asked, and he wanted me to come up with one logical reason why he should take me back.. I couldn't other than that if he truly loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me he would find a way to work through this with me. I told him I wanted to go to counseling, which he is not big on. I told him the reason, and told him that it was up to him.. he hasn't answered yet. Anyhow, I've decided to quit the game.. and tell T that I am married, All of this happened so fast, and now I am faced with the fact that I single handedly messed up my marriage completely, not to mention probably ended it. Where do I begin in all this? What do I need to do to convince him that I love him and want him to take me back more than anything? Please help in anyway you can.. I appreciate it. Thank you for your time. update: Right now, I need to know what I should be doing to get my husband to forgive me. We spoke today and he has agreed to go to counseling with me, which is really good for him ( he doesn't accept psychologists with open arms). What do we need to discuss most with our chosen counselor/ psychologists? Thanks for all your help.. and feel free to post my private msg to u.. i just couldn't figure out how to do it and I needed answers as soon as possible. __________________ www.myspace.com/draconis1973 Last edited by draconis; 03-24-2008 at 07:16 PM.