based on what you've said, I definitely think this is one of those things that should be worked on within the marriage...it is not a deal breaker! I grew up in a very messy/dirty house and have always been the opposite...could not wait to have my own place...I know I am extreme with neatness and there's nothing on your list that I could deal with personally, although I have relaxed somewhat after 3 kids & working full time & being a single mom for several years. I think it boils down to respect. This is something extremely important to her and by you not helping out (at least cleaning up after yourself) she probably feels disrespected & that you don't care that it upsets her or that she ends up doing it if you don't. It's really like anything else, just get in the habit of making the bed right when you get up, etc. After a short time, it will be second nature and you both will benefit by having your place looking great and her feeling much better about your relationship...it will probably make her want to do the same for you
