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Originally Posted by Catherine602  No that is plain ignorance and stupidity. Another example of the dysfunctional dynamics in relationships between men and woman in this period of social change. |
Just because it's ignorant and stupid doesn't mean people won't continue to do and think it. For a lot of people, ignorance is bliss. Doing otherwise would force them to confront that they have a responsibility to actually DO something.
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I think informed women are realizing that the culprit is the inability to turn off worry. Men are a wonderful source of help relax, forget the cares of the day and find time to bond. It does take knowledge. For men to realize understand what is going on and to be persistent and confident. If the attitude is that spontaneous desire is a prerequisite, the pitfalls of such an approach should be explored.
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You seem to pre-assume that this sort of exploration could happen in a neutral way. I think it far more likely to be perceived as an attack.
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I think men should take the leadership role in working with his wife to get her relaxed and aroused.
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You can only lead people who are prepared to be led. When I was a recruit in the Army many years ago, roughly half of each intake of recruits failed to complete their training. Of these, about half left for physical reasons (injuries and bad knees mostly), the other half because they didn't have the right attitude. A lot of them could not make themselves give up their autonomy and so follow someone elses' lead. For some, it was that if someone was leading them, they were demonstrating weakness or immaturity. For others they didn't have the faith to take the risk of letting someone else lead them, that unless they took the decisions they weren't being true to themselves. You have to be willing to be led.
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The first agreement should be that, for most women, spontaneous desire is not frequent but desire can be coaxed. The second agreement should be to allow the normal process of coaxing to happen. It just a part of normal relationship dynamics in a busy life that differentially effects men and women.
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You're right, but it doesn't square with the idea of a modern, autonomous, self-reliant person who achieves everything from within themself. What you are saying would be widely interpreted by a lot of women as indicating that their sexuality is not their own. How well do you think this will fly?
