bluedano

We both ride motorcycles. Only troube is, it's hard to talk when you're both on your own bikes. I know that we can get to some interesting and fun destinations by bike.

My wife in WAY into working out at the gym... 4-5 times a week. She hasn't started going this much to avoid me... in total, that is. She sought private training as a way to loose the last 30 lbs of a 2 year, 100 lb weight loss. I occassionally attend Saturday morning 'bootcamp' with her. Now that she is looking so good, I knew 'the writing was on the wall', and I'd better 'get with the program' myself. I've recently lost about 10 lbs... need to drop about another 15 and I'll be looking pretty good to.

We enjoy being active when we do get out. But I don't go to the gym with her too many times because frankly, it's kind of a 'girls club' which we both agree she needs.

We don't have any of our own natural children. But my niece and mother have lived with us for a bit over two years. My wife and I (my wife more than I, I hate to admit) have been involved in my nieces life for a dozen years because my sister is dysfunctional and cannot properly care for her daughter. My niece is now 16 and nearly grown. My wife had done a splendid, and sometimes thankless job, of stepping in, taking an interest in in my niece and loving her as her own. And not many spouces would invite their mothers-in-law to live with them in their old age either.

We've been married 10 years... after co-habbitating for 5. We both work at the same company and commute together. As I said above, she likes to hang out at the gym and talk with the girls after workout. It's a small healthclub with a close knit clientel. We do hang with the adult neighbors a few times a month.

Well I know she likes to bowl. In fact, I asked her this morning on the way to work if she might skip this Friday's workout so we could go bowling. Yes, I need to find things to do other than going out and dining, as the simple act of sitting there eating just doesn't do it for her for obvious reasons.

We were sort of planning on a cruise with her sister and husband in a few months. But she's got that on hold because she is afraid we won't be getting along come that time. I will need to find the courage to ask her to commit to that... and to us.

She was also trying to adopt out our potbellied pig... admittedly just so she wouldn't have to scramble for a good home in the event we got a divorce! Yesterday I told her I would be VERY ENCOURAGED if she would please reconsider that. I'll have to ask her what she's thinking about that now. And perhaps mention that cruise.

We're both looking for improved intimacy. I am looking for a level of commitment to the marriage during these rough times. I know she is looking for me to be more passionate, attentive and loving. She is feeling great about herself and her new body. I feel I have taken to complimenting her. But she say's I've fallen short there.

When she first told me that 'she loves me, but she's not in love wit me' (ouch, didn't need that cliché) I really felt like - "Thanks. After supporting you through nearly a decade of depression, anxiety and morbid obesity you're going to get in shape and leave me!" And while she says she feels a bit guilty about that, she has been asking for more passion for about the last 5 years. And I can partially agree. It's just that on and off we've had real issues which overshadowed it all. But no more. My back is against the wall, and it just feels silly attemping to accelerate from 5mph to 90 mph in the passion department right now. I feel awkward, and I need a little time. And just a few ideas I can pull out of the quiver.

Man. this forum has some seriously long posts to read and consider. I appreciate your attention and feedback.

Sincerely. DanO