Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - First time poster... need advice on 'The Little Things You Do'...

bluedano · 03-27-2008, 05:50 PM

I've been riding my bike without the ipod a bit lately and thinking a lot. And I hate to admit it, but the more I ponder my marriage the better opinon I have of my wife, and the lesser opinion I have of myself. And that's depressing. I'm not a drunk or abusive man (then again, sick as it might be, some people would at least find passion in that) but I've been fairly unavailabvle emotionally for a long time. Whether I'm glad, sad, or wanton, I haven't shared my feelings with my wife nearly as much as I should.

I did send her an e-mail at work today to let her know how I'm feeling. After really stepping outside myself and taking an honest assesment, I came to the conclusion that WE don't need marriage counseling as much as I need individual therapy.

Still; I want to thank you all for the advice encouragement. Draconis and Swedish, good ideas on immediate things to do. And GAsoccerman, thanks for sharing your own similar story.

My wife is like a butterfly... emerging from a cocoon... a decade of debilitating anxiety, depression, gynecological complications resulting in a hysterectomy, and morbid obesity, all finally cast off. She's feeling great about life again, and I'm wallowing in my own crap? Wining about how after 10 years of hell you feel better and now your going to leave me?!

Well your right GA. I've got to either get myself together and get with the program, or sit here and watch her go. She's lost 10 years... and she's not about to waste too much more time babysitting me. I've given her reason enough to complain about me for a while, and there's no doubt in my mind a few folks have suggensted she cut me loose and move on. If I look at things logically, I couldn't blame her myself if she did exactly that. But she does love me and would like nothing more than to rediscover the funny, witty, musical biker dude she fell in love with in the first place. To that end, I'll keep working out and eating right. I'm just under 200 now, feeling better and liking what I see in the mirror - at least while I'm lifting, then you can't tell, LOL! I'm going for the annual physical next week. At 48, the last few years of lab work and vitals have been encouraging. I have no reason not to expect similar results this time. We have to be careful how we broach the subject of depression with our the primary care, but I'll be sure to ask for a referal for a therapist. A lot depends on it.

All the best everyone. DanO

03-27-2008, 05:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
bluedano Registered User Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 13	Re: First time poster... need advice on 'The Little Things You Do'... I've been riding my bike without the ipod a bit lately and thinking a lot. And I hate to admit it, but the more I ponder my marriage the better opinon I have of my wife, and the lesser opinion I have of myself. And that's depressing. I'm not a drunk or abusive man (then again, sick as it might be, some people would at least find passion in that) but I've been fairly unavailabvle emotionally for a long time. Whether I'm glad, sad, or wanton, I haven't shared my feelings with my wife nearly as much as I should. I did send her an e-mail at work today to let her know how I'm feeling. After really stepping outside myself and taking an honest assesment, I came to the conclusion that WE don't need marriage counseling as much as I need individual therapy. Still; I want to thank you all for the advice encouragement. Draconis and Swedish, good ideas on immediate things to do. And GAsoccerman, thanks for sharing your own similar story. My wife is like a butterfly... emerging from a cocoon... a decade of debilitating anxiety, depression, gynecological complications resulting in a hysterectomy, and morbid obesity, all finally cast off. She's feeling great about life again, and I'm wallowing in my own crap? Wining about how after 10 years of hell you feel better and now your going to leave me?! Well your right GA. I've got to either get myself together and get with the program, or sit here and watch her go. She's lost 10 years... and she's not about to waste too much more time babysitting me. I've given her reason enough to complain about me for a while, and there's no doubt in my mind a few folks have suggensted she cut me loose and move on. If I look at things logically, I couldn't blame her myself if she did exactly that. But she does love me and would like nothing more than to rediscover the funny, witty, musical biker dude she fell in love with in the first place. To that end, I'll keep working out and eating right. I'm just under 200 now, feeling better and liking what I see in the mirror - at least while I'm lifting, then you can't tell, LOL! I'm going for the annual physical next week. At 48, the last few years of lab work and vitals have been encouraging. I have no reason not to expect similar results this time. We have to be careful how we broach the subject of depression with our the primary care, but I'll be sure to ask for a referal for a therapist. A lot depends on it. All the best everyone. DanO Last edited by bluedano; 03-27-2008 at 05:56 PM.