That is a very honest response. I believe that overt anger is typically perceived as "I am REALLY angry that you don't love me enough to make an effort to please me".
Where as indifference - that is a much scarier reaction. So if you can manage to radiate real indifference to her - to her reactions to you and to her needs - you will be conveying that the marriage is unravelling before her eyes.
At some point - IF she raises the subject the conversation should be VERY brief and it goes like this:
- In a good/great marriage each person goes out of their way to make the effort to ensure that their partners needs are so well met that their spouse is very happy with them and feels highly valued.
- In an "ok" marriage each person goes out of their way to make AT LEAST enough effort to avoid causing their partner distress.
It isn't good if your "band" is very narrow. Meaning if daily sex makes you very happy but sex every three days makes you very unhappy. That isn't "wrong" it simply puts her in a difficult situation in terms of trying to find a compromise. If however your band is reasonably wide, and she can't be bothered to avoid causing you distress, THAT is a big problem.
My Wife absolutely takes her responsibility to keep me satisfied every bit as seriously as I take my commitment to be monogamous. I would NOT be ok if she believed that MY commitment was absolute, and her sexual responsibilities began and ended with doing or "not doing" whatever she felt like at any point in time.
And the happy balance is that I don't press her to connect when I know she is tired/upset/sad. And she happily makes the effort when I say "I miss you" with a smile and a shrug.
Originally Posted by phantomfan
Actually I think its better said at this point is that her coldness and inattentiveness in the bedroom has turned me off completely and I've taken cold to a new level for me. Cold, angry and resentful is exactly where I am. I'm stuck between needing her to show me that I matter by her actions. I have no desire to give her what she needs when I'm not getting what I need. She wants me to be warm, and touchy but not give back. She tells me she hates the distance that I've put in place but that coldness hasn't yet resulted in her taking an active role in making things right. She says she's "interested" and shows me interest. Her idea of interest is putting one hand half hearted on my chest 30 seconds before she rolls over and goes to sleep. That's apathy and I'm not going to give that lack of effort the time of day. Depending on the time of day, ill go from depressed to livid to detached. I know I deserve better and I'm not giving better until that happens. I've been the one trying, its time she try back. Like top gun, she needs to take me to bed like a woman who gives a damn or lose me forever.
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