Originally Posted by deejov
I'm a parent too. I went through that. But it does change. And you need to make time. I didn't do dishes every night or other things for many years. Firstly.. they would be there tomorrow. And I chose to either play with my son or my SO instead. There are things you can let go of. Eventually your kids get old enough to help with the house too. I discovered that being intimate was a good stress break for me too. I deserved to pamper myself too, didn't I? Same with choosing to go to bed really early on a Thursday night, to heck with dishes. Then I had more energy on Friday night for date night!
Thanks for the response, sounds like you made a real effort at keeping the love alive. In my house:
- there is no way the kitchen isn't spotless after dinner, unless someone required an emergency room visit. My wife could not go on to the next task without everything done. And I do help - A LOT.
- the remainder of the night entails making lunches for the next day, folding clothes up in our bedroom, showering, reading, talking on phone, etc. Starts yawning at 8:30-9 pm.
- there are no date nights. I used to beg her to go out and stressed that we needed our own time and she doesn't trust the apples of her eye with anyone but family and one friend. Used to watch the clock while at dinner when we did go out, talk only about the kids and go right back home. Completely insulting to me, so I stopped asking her to go. Would talk to her mother/sister/friend about the kids when we got back, the night was over for me.
- Would not stay overnight even one night without the kids. Married 18 years and every vacation/short trip involves the kids. Even if we had separate rooms, no sex. "Hotels are gross and I'm not comfortable" is the reason.
- has no problem with the kids coming back home after college as long as they want. can't imagine life in the house without them.
Year after year of this crap and I don't see her sexually anymore. She's made several comments about my not "liking" her anymore. I said how can I in such a dysfunctional marriage, it's pretty obvious I'm last in this house but at least I'm good to have around to support her lifestyle, with kids in private school but it's never enough - wants a shore house. What a *****.