| | Re: Should I make contact?
So you want to talk to your H but every time you do you cry or pressure him in some way until you both argue and he doesn't want to call anymore. He expects you to keep acting like this every time you call based on your last impression, so he doesn't pick up or respond to your texts anymore. Well you can change all that today....
For the most part this is one of those "do nothing" situations where he is best left alone to decide for himself, and you have more time than you realize to influence him. You can leave a positive lasting impresion tonight by agreeing with his feelings and NOT giving him anything to resist you with.
Since you are worried about never talking to him again I want you to call him tonight and apologize for anything you said that might have rubbed him the wrong way. Then tell him "I would like for us to save our marriage, but you are right it's not going to work out. You found someone who treats you well, and it's not like you went out looking for it, these things happen. I will file for seperation to give you the space you need".
This completely goes against the way you would normally talk to him and at the same time gives him nothing to hold against you. As soon as let him know you will not be adding any drama to his life the pressure on him will relax. And when you take yourself out of the competition with the OW he will find reasons to talk to you. This will not work if you waffle and come crying to him days later. You need to stay strong and show him you accept what's going on and you are fine with it. He needs to get the impression that you are absolutely fine with giving him up and won't chase him no matter what.
You see right now he is getting all these loving emotions from her and feeing angry with you. Everytime you argue he is going think of you with contempt and see her as the better choice. You can bet he feels some guilt but not when is angry or upset with you. The only thing you can do act like you had a change of heart and are ok with him leaving. Let him be with her and treat him kindly every time you talk. Little by little you will talk more as distant friends first until he slowly opens up his life to you (without you prying).
Within a few months your friendship will be closer and you'll find excuses to be together. She will grow controlling and needy and chase him away all on her own; or they will go through the same fights you went through and break-up. Even if he divorces you for her they are going to have lasting trust issues and hang-ups about affairs since she knows he can't be trusted not to wonder. And she will stop being so wonderful whenshe isn't chasing him anymmore, you can count on this. But you can start over again and create a friendship that has him chasing you. Remember he fell for you the first time and with the history you have he can do it again.