| | Re: Wtf? My wife does not love me anymore
C.Soprano---This is my take, however, please be advised that I have been going through this for a year and a half. My wife, to this day, refuses to take responsibility for her part in our relationship. So, what I am doing, can work. I have seen it work in other's relationships. Each relationship is different, however, and you must recognize the different things that are causing your situation to stalemate.
I can tell you from personal experience that sleeping in the same bed with a woman who is not "in love" with you is a resentment breeder. I finally came to a place where I will not sleep in the same bed with a woman who refuses to take part in intimacy. It hurts you in more ways than you know. It makes her despise you because you are such a "needy" man that you are reaching for whatever you can get your grip on. All the "nice" things you are doing are good........for you. You need to shift a little bit and work on different things that indirectly help her, but don't take burdens off of her. Does that make sense? She needs to continue to pull her weight so she doesn't sit and stew about her feelings and emotions. You helping her SO much enables her and actually hurts the balance of the relationship. I know, I've done it.
From now on, you do not speak unless spoken to. Shut your mouth. Anything you say at this point (until you get past your emotional patheticness) is manipulation. If you allow her to come to you, then she has initiated the conversation and you will be more genuine in your answers.
Now that you have concluded there is no affair, stop spying. It does affect your persona around her. She is responsible for her. You are responsible for you. Trust me, she is probably on HIGH ALERT and I am SO glad I stopped spying a year ago. I was able to sit in front of my wife and be truthful and honest. Showing true confidence and leadership in my identity as a man.
Read books, workout, and find a spiritual compass. The person is made up of three parts: mind/body/soul. Working all three on a daily basis is going to make you stronger and, in effect, make it possible for you to truly love your wife. Love is freeing, not controlling. To truly want and show that you want what is best for her is the most attractive thing to a woman you can show. Stop worrying about the "relationship", and do her a favor:
Become the best you that you can be. Get rid of that codependency.