Originally Posted by Fireplace Man
She then told me that she talked to my wife and the reason she is upset is because she feels as if I don't trust her and now she cannot go back to her friends and family and do what they have been doing because I have now tainted her experience. She also said that they both agreed that they were getting crazy with it and it was becoming obsessive. I think I really messed up and maybe should have approached it in different way. She thinks I violated what she feels she earned in our marriage.
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I'm sorry that I'm going to say something you won't like hearing. This is not the response of an innocent person. This is the response of a person who is trying to present an appearance of integrity, that of someone with a guilty conscience. Whenever someone says "How dare you doubt me!?" in what is otherwise a pretty normal situation, you should be worried that something isn't right. You didn't accuse her of having an affair, just raised an issue. If nothing was the matter, she would have tried to explain to you why you have nothing to worry about, not become indignant and self-righteous.
"Methinks, the lady doth protest too much."
I'm not saying she is having a full on affair, but something is going on and she is keeping something from you that she wants to protect. It could be doubts about your marriage, it could be something about herself that she isn't sure of, it could be just a crush she has on someone that she doesn't want to admit (girl talk that you wouldn't want to hear). The problem isn't that. The problem is that she isn't putting your marriage first and that she is trying to blame-shift, gas-light, and misdirect you instead of getting to the root of the problem or working it out with you. She is withdrawing and protecting herself as a unit and she is not working in favor of fixing the marriage.
I would suggest that you not give up on this issue, that you remain vigilant, and do not rug-sweep it. Don't keep fighting her on it. Let it go. But keep an eye out and be vigilant. Something is definitely going on whether or not it is an affair; it is something that isn't helping strengthen your marriage and it's a communication and secrecy issue.