I am divorcing [a BPDer]. I know her childhood caused this and I know how a BDP'er makes you feel completely insane.(3/12/12 post.)
Traggy, I agree that the behaviors you describe -- verbal and physical abuse, temper tantrums, blame-shifting, lack of empathy, easily triggered anger, and black-white thinking -- are classic traits of BPD. I therefore am so glad to see you changed your mind about the duplex. If your W is a BPDer, you will be seeing a level of vindictiveness and meanness that you did not think she was capable of. My BPDer exW, for example, had me arrested and thrown into jail for "brutalizing her" at the end of our living together for 15 years.
I strongly recommend you start participating (or at least lurking) in the "Leaving a BPDer" and "Raising a Child with One Parent with BPD" boards at BPDfamily.com. Those are two of the 8 message boards you will find at that large forum targeted to the spouses and family members of BPDers.
I also recommend you read Splitting: Protecting Yourself when Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist
. Released 7 months ago, it was written by the same author of the best selling BPD book (Stop Walking on Eggshells.)
If you would like to read about my experiences with my BPDer exW -- and those of Maybe with his angry, abusive W -- please read my post in Maybe's thread at My list of hell!
. If that discussion rings a bell, I would be happy to discuss it with you and point you to other excellent online resources about BPD traits. Take care, Traggy.