Originally Posted by Uptown
Traggy, I agree that the behaviors you describe -- verbal and physical abuse, temper tantrums, blame-shifting, lack of empathy, easily triggered anger, and black-white thinking -- are classic traits of BPD. I therefore am so glad to see you changed your mind about the duplex. If your W is a BPDer, you will be seeing a level of vindictiveness and meanness that you did not think she was capable of. My BPDer exW, for example, had me arrested and thrown into jail for "brutalizing her" at the end of our living together for 15 years.
I strongly recommend you start participating (or at least lurking) in the "Leaving a BPDer" and "Raising a Child with One Parent with BPD" boards at BPDfamily.com. Those are two of the 8 message boards you will find at that large forum targeted to the spouses and family members of BPDers.
I also recommend you read Splitting: Protecting Yourself when Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist
. Released 7 months ago, it was written by the same author of the best selling BPD book (Stop Walking on Eggshells.)
If you would like to read about my experiences with my BPDer exW -- and those of Maybe with his angry, abusive W -- please read my post in Maybe's thread at My list of hell!
. If that discussion rings a bell, I would be happy to discuss it with you and point you to other excellent online resources about BPD traits. Take care, Traggy.
Already read it. I am getting those books you recommended because I know that she unfortunately is a BPD'er. Thank you for the site's definitely something I need to read because I worry that my daughter is going to eventually become all black to my wife and when she gets older and she will turn her back on her as well. Not sure if that is the case with a parent with BPD, but I worry greatly that my daughter will pick up this unfortunate disorder.
I am not trying to find an answer to why she left, but she hits all the traits to a tee. It almost scares me how accurate that it describes her.
I have been walking on egg shells this entire marriage trying to make her happy. The resentment that she holds is unbelievable. I am not been myself for a long long time.
I gave all I had and in the end it wasn't enough, because it was never enough.
She wanted to move in
She wanted to get married immediately
She wanted to get a house
She wanted a baby
She got all the things that she thought would make her happy, but now she is just left with no more goals and her unhappy self so she found someone else that is her knight in shining armor.
I wish I could help her, but I know I can not.