Originally Posted by Hope1964

That's pretty much the situation we're in, and I do want the details. I want them over and over and over so I can verify that he's telling me the same thing every time. I want to KNOW what went on so that I don't have mind movies about what MIGHT have happened. We made up a timeline together so that I could have that to refer to and whenever I feel I need to know something else, I ask. Still. And Dday is exactly 2 years ago.

But that's just me.

Many betrayed spouses do NOT want to know all the details. Their mind movies are worse when they do.

It's a very personal decision. My advice would be to go with NOT getting the details first, and see how you do. If you still feel like you want them, then ask for a few and let yourself mull that over for a while and see if it helps. You can never undo the telling - once you know, you know.