| | Re: Is knowing the finer details of the affair healthy?
It’s important to know the details. But it’s the betrayed spouse who determines the level of detail he/she needs.
This is why a betrayed spouse will ask the same questions over and over again. Each time they will get a new level of detail, take some time to process it.. then when strong enough will come back and dig for more details.
What I have read is that when there is an affair the BS is out in the cold and knows nothing. The lack of knowledge is a huge wedge between the spouses. The BS needs as much info and detail as possible so that the affair sort of becomes a shared experience between the WS and the BS. As strange as it might seem, this builds emotional intimacy between the two helping them rebuild their bond. If this is not done the affair remains a huge wedge between them.
And as I told my husband, there is nothing that he can tell me that is worse then the things that my imagination comes up with.