Originally Posted by Wildflower3
Begin 180 and LRT.
Pushing adds pressure and pushes her away even more. Last time I did a status check with my STBXH was a month ago (wow does time fly! seems like it was just yesterday!) and it was full of "I don't love you", "I don't miss you", "I worry that if we try, we'll do the things that drive us both crazy". He also said he felt pressure again because of the status check. I said that we just learned all these tools that make a marriage work and I am willing to give it a go, but I realize that the decision has to belong to both of us. I told him I understood how he felt and what he wants. He got all upset, almost started to cry because it became more real.
I continued my 180, full force, went dark except for matters regarding the kids, put an end to family dinners where he would come over and we'd all sit at the table together. Now, I text/email only regarding visits and exchanges. I do not initiate contact. When he visits, I leave to go to support group, run errands, or even sit at Starbucks until I know he's already put the kids down for bed and is ready to leave. It's been a month. Already, I feel so much better. Still have low points, but feel generally better. For the first time, yesterday morning, my ending marriage wasn't the first thing on my mind as I woke. It has taken 5 months, but small milestones mean so much!
If she initiates, you reciprocate and leave it at that.
That is so scary. I can see me doing some of the 180, but not others. We are 6 months away from finalizing the divorce. It's something she wants, but not me. That being said, I do have my doubts.
You tell me if this sounds like a woman who is determined to D and is truly over us and that there is no hope:
Yesterday, in MC, she stated clearly and repeatedly that she was over us, and that she wants the M to end. I remained composed because I had expected this.
Next morning, she suggested we (including children) take a family vacation over the summer.
Either I am reading way too much into it, and she is indeed wanting to go as friends, or she isn't admitting there may be a possibility of R, sometime later.